The issue that is stealing my joy is the overwhelming need to talk about my problems. If I feel like someone has done me wrong, I want to tell a lot of people about it. At first, I thought it was a gossip issue, where I wanted to just talk about people. My time at JUMP helped me to see that it is really just an unhealthy way that I try to deal with my hurt and frustration. If I am hurt by someone, I have an overwhelming need to feel validated in that hurt. I go to a friend and tell them what happened and how that person hurt me. There is a part of me that needs my friend to agree that I have a right to feel hurt based on the actions of the other person. It would be great if I could just get the offense off my chest and get on with life but it doesn't work that way for me. Perhaps the next day, I run into another friend. I have to bring the offense up again and ensure that this next friend also agrees that I had a right to feel hurt.
Let me tell you something, I may get the validation I am seeking, but in the meantime, my joy is being stolen right out from underneath me by the enemy. You see, every time that I share that offense, the hurt comes right back. It is like the person didn't just hurt me once, they hurt me four of five times. The hurt travels around with me in my emotional backpack and as long as I feel like I need validation for my feelings, I have to carry it around with me. That backpack gets awfully heavy. That backpack doesn't just hold hurt, it holds anger and frustration too...all emotions that I feel the need to validate with others.
What I need to do...and what I'm working on...is to simply take my hurt, anger, frustration to the Lord and leave it there with Him. He is strong enough to carry it, I am not.
