Happy Father's Day

So much has happened since my last blog entry. I have a lot to tell you about a Mission Trip we took to Mexico last week. God did a lot of work in me while I was gone. I would love to tell you about it now but I haven't fully processed it all yet. Everyone asks me how it went and all I can think to say is "It was HOT". When I get it processed I will be back here to share it with you all.

Until then I wanted to take a moment to reflect on Father's day. Like every other church in the city, we had a Father's day message today. I remember back in the day when I HATED Father's day. I especially hated in when my birthday fell on Father's day because "if I had a step-dad at the time" it was all about him. I just remember the anger that would build at this time of year. It was funny to me today to see how far God has brought me.

They had all of the Fathers stand up at church and had their kids gather around them. I was sitting in the soundbooth looking out over the crowd and I was struck by how many amazing Fathers there are in our group. You could see and feel the love pouring out in the families as they gathered together in prayer. I felt tears of joy stream down my face for those kids whose Father's just wrapped their arms around them and hugged them. The bitterness about my Dad (or lack of one) was missing this year. Then I looked down in the crowd and saw Josh sitting there and my heart ached for him. His Daddy would have been such an AWESOME Dad. Tears of heartbreak mixed in with the tears of joy but still...the bitterness was gone.

Then..I was so gently reminded that even for those of us who don't have a Father with us now..that we will ALWAYS have a Father in heaven. He is looking down on us and letting us know that we are accepted, and loved, and wanted. Psalms 27:10 (NLT) says "Even if my Father and Mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close." I think it is important for us to remember that God is always giving us a Fatherly hug and He'll never let go.

If you are lucky enough to have your Father around, hug him tight. If your Mom has filled the role..hug her close and let her know that you appreciate her fatherly efforts as well. If you don't happen to have your father around, for whatever reason, just know that your Father in heaven thinks you're pretty special and wants to fill that role.

Have a blessed week.

Devil is a roaring lion

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything here but I didn't feel like I had much to say. Since my last post- I've applied for a new job, got denied for a new job, and had my gallbladder out so I've been a little busy.

I've had a rough sort of day and I wanted to take a minute to share my thoughts with you.

I know that I serve an AWESOME God. I know that I am richly blessed beyond measure and in the grand scheme of things I have nothing to complain about. Nevertheless, I am frustrated. I have been trying and trying to get ahead and every time I seem to make progress- the devil throws a GINORMOUS road block in my path.

1 Peter 5:8 says- Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

I have been feeling for a few months that the devil is roaring at me no matter which way I turn. I feel like we are making progress on the bills and then a family emergency depletes the savings. I feel like God is telling me to apply for a job only to have the door slammed in my face. I try to save money by turning the air conditioner off on cooler days only to have it not work when I turn it back on. I try to take steps to get healthier and my gallbladder decides it doesn't want to work anymore. I've been feeling like every direction I turn, the devil is right there ROARING at me to turn around and run the other direction.

Tonight- After sitting in a 100 degree house for a little while I decided to take a drive and just talk to my Father in Heaven. I cried and told Him how frustrated I am. I told Him that I know I am blessed beyond measure and I have no right to complain because there are others who are dealing with far greater things than I am. I just asked for Him to quiet my heart and mind so that I can better follow His leadings. He then brought back to my memory something that the world's greatest pastor once told us.

The bible does say that the devil is a roaring lion. In the animal world- lions often hunt in groups. They seek out their prey and then the oldest weakest lion with the most distinguished old lion roar goes around to the other side and hides in the grass. When the prey gets close to the oldest lion- he jumps up and roars as loud as he can. This causes the prey to run in the opposite direction right into the waiting group. The roaring lions sole purpose is to scare the prey into running towards the waiting evil. The devil is exactly like this. He wants to scare us. He wants us to turn from God. He wants us to feel defeated. He wants to chase us in the opposite direction from which we are headed.

NO MORE- I am going to start facing that roaring lion head on. My God is bigger then anything the devil can throw in my way. I encourage you to fight the devil head on today. Just keep listening for that voice behind you saying "This is the way, walk in it."

Anger Management Epiphany

I had an epiphany just a few minutes ago that I wanted to share. I just realized why God put me in this IT position with my company. I have been doing some form of customer service for my entire life and all of a sudden- He randomly guided me in the direction of IT.

Someone came over to me (Monica- you know who you are) with an issue with our system today. Someone else in the department had been told about the issue a few days ago but he didn't know the full story so he didn't look into it any further. I started working on the issue and got more and more frustrated by the minute because I was told that it was broken but couldn't get a clear understanding of what they were saying the issue was. I sent an e-mail to the UK because they had put a change in the system that was causing adverse effects. I don't know how many of you have worked in the corporate world and dealt with IT much but IT personnel aren't always the clearest with communication. They tend to speak Geek. So here I was super duper frustrated that something on my watch wasn't working correctly and I was powerless to fix it and the rage just starting building in side of me. I can always feel it when it is coming on. I can feel that point in which I am about to lose my composure. I am getting better at recognizing it and keeping the pot from boiling over but sometimes it's really difficult. I felt it and suddenly God made it very clear to me that this in and of itself was the #1 reason that He guided me to my new position. In IT there are a lot of things that you are powerless to control.

I am a control freak. I believe that a lot of that comes from my inability to control the circumstances of my childhood. When I was old enough to control my own life- I grabbed the bull by the horns. I needed a job that would test my control limits often so that I will learn to trust God with ALL things. I have the same issues in my personal life. When the boys start acting like goofballs and I've done all of the things that I know to do and nothing is working..I feel the rage start to boil up inside of me. I usually do a great job of keeping that anger in check but I grew up with a family of yellers. I HATE being a yeller. I pray often for God to continue to work on me in that area. I am waaaay better than I was 10 years ago but I still have a lot of room for growth.

So I am in this position to learn how to control my frustration and my anger when I can't control the circumstances around me. I am learning how to give the controls to God in ALL things. I am thankful that God will refine us in the fire when He knows it's best for us.

Have a blessed weekend.

Resurrection Sunday

I want everyone to know that I got on-line several times over the weekend to create this post but there seems to be something wrong with the keyboard on my laptop. It just jumps around and starts putting characters in random places. So I finally gave up until I could get to work and use my docking station.

I hope everyone had a very Blessed Easter. I was truly in awe of the overwhelming love I felt this weekend. Love for my family, my church and love for my saviour.

It was a rough week on the diet front. Actually it's been a rough few weeks but I have resolved to push forward. I am not sure what sparked it. I really think it happened when I got sick a few weeks back. When I am sick..I want a cheeseburger. So I had one. That was the BEST cheeseburger ever. Then I went to the retreat where there were more snacks than you could find at a 7-11. I tried...I promise ya'll that I tried but you can only resist chocolate dipped oreos and homemade kettle corn so long. Then I think the devil seized the opportunity.

For those of you who think the Devil is down in Hell- I have news for you. He is right here walking around the earth.

Job 1:7 The LORD said to Satan, "From where do you come?" Then Satan answered the LORD and said, "From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it."

1 Peter 5:8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

The devil is all around us. He is just waiting to seize the opportunity. He convinced me that I had already messed up on my diet. That I was already gaining weight again and I might as well just give up. I have to admit..I believe him. I sure got my feel of greasy goodness. Long John Silvers, Waffle House, Pizza Hut- you name it..I ate it. I knew that I was headed down the wrong path..and I knew that the only way to get back on the right path was to get enough truth into my head to push the devil out. Philippians 1:6 says "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus". God began a good work in me. He will stick with me..even when I eat junk at the retreat. Even if I feel like I need a cheeseburger when I'm sick. He's not going to give up on me and this verse is a constant reminder to not give up on myself.

I am so thankful that He died just for us. I am so much more thankful that He rose again just like He said He would. I hope that you know how much He LOVES You!!

New Directions

I apologize that my posts have been sporadic. There has been a lot going on in my world and my focus has been elsewhere.

I believe that this blog is going to be taking a new direction. I will still be discussing my weight loss goals and will update with weight loss information periodically but I feel that God intended this blog to be used for so much more than just tracking weight loss results.

I believe that I hold on to my weight for more reasons than I can count. I think that I "hide" behind my weight. As if it is an outer shell that will hide me from all of the evil in the world. As if with 100 extra pounds of weight no one can see the "real" me. I also think that I don't count myself worthy enough to spend the effort that it would take to stay healthy. I have always found comfort in food. When I am stressed or worried- I want greasy food. There is nothing better than a cheeseburger and fries to make the world okay. I think that there are things in my past that have caused me to adopt these habits and beliefs. I also believe that my loving God wants to heal me from my past and replace my habits and beliefs with His truths.

I think that He wants me to use this blog to help other people learn through my struggle. I think that He wants me to use this blog to help others realize that they are NOT alone. They are not alone dealing with their weight issues, issues that stem from past abuse, issues that deal with "unworthy" feelings. They are not alone because there are millions around the world who feel just like them. They are not alone because God is right there with them, feeling their pain and holding them safely in His arms. We don't always feel it but He's there.

I pray that everyone is okay with this change of direction and that they will share their wisdom and insight along the way. May God Bless you all!!!!

Just what the DR ordered

As you all now I have been whining and moaning about getting outside. Today- I decided to take a mental health day from work and get out and enjoy the day. I slept until about 1o am and then I got up and had a pastrami sandwich. This is what I have every morning for breakfast. Well, most mornings anyway. I need whole grain and protein in the morning.

After Breakfast- Leanna and I went to Burr Oaks. It is in Blue Springs. They have five trails. They have 3 unpaved trails- 2 of which are loops and one is a straight trail that links the 2 other loops together. They also have a 1/2 mile paved trail and a 1 mile paved trail. We really just set out to walk 1 or 2 trails. When we pulled in the parking lot we joked about how we should just do all 5 trails. We looked at the layout and planned our route and took off. It took us 2 hours and 55 minutes but we finished all 5 trails. The grand total of all of our walking was 7.2 miles. We were so proud of ourselves when we finished. I am sure we will be just as proud tomorrow morning when both of us can't walk because our legs won't work.

I am probably the only goofball in the world who would take a vacation day from work to hike 7.2 miles around Blue Springs and tell you that it was the best day I've had in a while. I so thoroughly enjoyed it. Leanna and I got to have some good conversations- on the occasions that she got way ahead of me on the trail (which happens a lot) God and I had good conversations. It was just such a peaceful day.

I think we should start planning group outings where we can all get together on a weekend and get out and get moving. I hope you all are having an awesome week and could get out in this beautiful weather.

Vertical Dash

A team of us got together to do the "Vertical Dash". There was some people from my church and some people from my work. It was quite the mix of people. There were all different levels of fitness but there was one thing everyone had in common. Everyone on the team had an incredible heart. We won the "Top Team Fundraising Award" The 6 of us raised over $500 for the American Diabetes Association.

This is a picture of us before the race.

Just to put things in perspective- this is a picture of the building we climbed. There are 38 floors in this building. We climbed all but 4 of them. I think Marilyn and Deborah did the math and it was 28 stairs per floor for the first 7 floors and 22 stairs per floor for the rest. That is 790 stairs. I want to mention that the stairwell did NOT have airconditioning and it was terribly humid.

We lined up and my nerves started kicking in. They started everyone 10 seconds apart and our team was somewhere pretty close to the end. As we got closer to the stairwell- we could see the people who had been at the front of the line coming back down. The super duper fast people get to go first. The fastest guy ran up all 34 floors in 3 min 38 secs. That is CRAZY!! Did I mention it is 790 stairs. The fastest girl did it in 5 min 11 secs.

They counted me down and up I went. I did pretty good for the first 7 floors and then I took a break. I knew that I was going to have to pace myself but I wasn't prepared for how hot it was. I started up the stairs again and I think I made it up to the 11th floor before my lungs were screaming again. I think the last of the people behind me passed me while I was there. That means I had to go up the next 23 floors knowing that I was going to be the last one up. I pretty much knew that going in but I really thought I would be higher up before it happened. When I got up to floor 17- I wanted to quit. I was huffing and puffing, I was overheated and I was frustrated. God gently reminded me that I'm not a quitter anymore. I pretty much stopped and took a breath every 2 floors from 17 to 26. At floor 24, I leaned against the wall and thought "COULD A GIRL GET SOME WATER". I was kind of surprised that there wasn't anyone on the way up with some water or at least coolers or water bottles on some of the landings. I remember leaning against the wall- stretching my legs and trying to regroup thinking that if anyone was watching cameras in the stairwell that they would be sending an EMT to rescue me sometime soon. I was looking pretty rough but I was determined not to give up.

When I got to floor 26- I saw a full bottle of water on the bottom step of the next flight. At first I thought it was a mirage but I went over and picked it up. I thought "My God in heaven had someone put that bottle of water there" but I looked..and the seal had been broken. I could almost hear nurse Leanna telling me about all of the cooties that would be on that bottle so I set it down. I almost wept. I knew that I only had 8 more floors so I took the next 4 all at once. When I got to 30 I finally knew I wasn't going to die. I took the time to catch my breath and went up the next 4. My team was AWESOME!! Of course they were the only ones standing around up there because I was the last one up but they applauded loudly for me when I made it. I was sooo proud of myself for getting up those stairs. It was a realization of how much harder I need to work to get in shape but it was such an awesome reminder of what I can do when I put my mind to it.

Did I mention that all I wanted was some WATER!!!!! Apparently they ran out at the top and my reward for getting to the top was some luke warm orange vitamin water....EEWWWWW!!! Don't get me wrong...I sucked it down!! =)

Marilyn and I had joked on Thursday night about whether we thought we could do it in less than 20 minutes. I told her that my best time so far had been 25 min but I was going to shoot for 20 minutes. These are the results of our team: (did I mention how awesome they are)

Deborah Doss- 7 min 14 sec - 8 out of 90 girls- 33 out of 128 overall

Mark Patterson- 8 min 25 sec- 28 out of 38 men - 64 out of 129 overall

Marilyn Humphrey- 10 min 23 sec - 55 out of 90 girls- 94 out of 128 overall

Meagan Patterson- 12 min 32 sec- 74 out of 90 girls - 115 out of 128 overall

Megan Bishop - 16 min 56 sec- 84 out of 90 girls- 125 out of 128 overall

Holly Waugh- 20min 32 sec- 90 out of 90 girls- 128 out of 128 overall

Now...I am fully aware that I was the last place FINISHER...but I WASN'T in last place. I know of at least one guy who quit!!! I AM NOT A QUITTER!!!!

I almost made my 20 min goal and I am cursing the fool who set their water bottle down on the 26th floor. They made me waste at least 32 seconds trying to decide if I should drink their water!! Curses I say!!

Here is our after picture

I am already looking forward to next year-- Want to join us???

Testimony

I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've posted. I have been just a wee bit busy. I haven't had time to think about a diet this week or exercise for that matter. Thursday night was my testimony night and it was the most incredible experience ever. God MOVED in an awesome way not only in my heart but in the hearts of others.

I have to admit that standing in front of a group of strangers and telling them your business is not an easy thing to do. I was pretty sick to my stomach up until the moment I sat down on the stage. Then God just took over. I still held my breath...and I still felt like people were judging me but God also allowed me to see into the hearts of those he wanted me to speak to. I think when we are led to tell our stories- it is a healing process. Healing for us..and healing for others who need to know that they are not alone in what they are going through.

I was explaining to a friend the other night that sometimes sharing your story doesn't mean that you have to stand up in front of a huge group...sometimes it's as simple as listening to God when he tells you that this person or that person needs to hear your story. You start sharing parts of you on an individual basis. That opens God up to start working in you. I think we all have dark little corners of ourselves that we try to hide from the world but the problem is...the devil hides in the dark little places. Thursday night was like opening my heart and exposing it ALL to the light so that there is no place left for the devil!! I highly recommend it!!

The women at my church are the most awesome group of ladies that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I don't really know all of them but I love them just the same. The amazing hugs and words of encouragement after I was done talking made my heart weep with joy- (and Kay sitting on the stage laughing her butt off over me having to deal with a hug line made me laugh- and want to smack her). God has already shown me several people who needed to hear what I had to say...and I would do it all again even if it was only one person!!

Stay tuned for Vertical Dash info tomorrow...just waiting on all the results. I didn't write them all down like Marilyn did. =)

11 years ago today

I would like to take a pause from weight loss talk today and talk about something that is on my heart. Today is the 11th anniversary of the day I lost my brother to a fatal car accident. It was also the day that forever changed my life. God turned that tragedy into so much good and for that I am grateful. I think if I had the chance to talk to him today - he would have a lot to say to me. I imagine him telling me that I need to stop thinking so little of myself. I imagine him saying that while I'm not doing a "perfect" job of raising his son- I am doing the best that I can. I imagine him being proud of my integrity and my character and proud of how I try to lift up others. I imagine him telling me to forgive the people in my life who have hurt me because the bitterness is only keeping me from being free. These anniversaries seem to come quicker now and thankfully they are a lot less painful. It is amazing how God can heal up wounds that you never thought would heal. If you don't mind- I would like to share some pictures of him with you.

This is my favorite baby picture of him

Apparently this was my brother's birthday

This was sooo totally in the 70's. This one of many pictures of me without my 3 front teeth. That's a story for another day.

Yes- I've always been a little crazy

Bob's Senior Picture

This is the last picture we have of Bob and his son Josh together. This was taken at Christmas- Bob died a little over 2 months later.

I always miss him but I know that I'll see him again someday!!

Thanks for letting me share him with you!!

It's good to have friends

I just wanted to take a minute and thank all of the people in my life who make a difference every day. There are people in my work life who make my day better when I see them. They always have a hug or an encouraging word. They make it easier to get through the mundaneness of it all. They say a sincere thank you even when I'm just doing my job. There are those in my work life who have been put into a position to mentor me (even though they may hate it sometimes) and they are doing an awesome job.

There are people in my church life that help me draw closer to God. They are good for a friendly conversation, or a discussion about more serious things. They join me in adventures (like climbing 34 floors) and they invite me to sit and have dinner with them when I run into them at Chipotle's. Most importantly- they love me just for being me.

There are those in my everyday life who come to my house and help me put a fence. They come and help me finish my basement. They help get me through cub scouts (by being loud and rowdy and parents meetings) so that my boy could live to see Boy scouts. They "facebook" me just to stay in the loop and they forgive me when I get to busy to call and check on them.

Friends are soooo important. We all need people in our lives who can hold us accountable, love us unconditionally, and put up with our nonsense. I pray often that I might be a blessing to others as much as they have been a blessing to me.

So a big thank you to all of you in my life who help make me a better person.

Love you all!!

Pride and Perspective

I went to train on the stairs tonight. My goal was to finish 34 floors in 45 minutes or less. It was tough..it pushed my heart and lungs in a way that they haven't been pushed in a loooong time. I finished in 25 minutes and 50 seconds. I wanted to cry when I was done. I was soo proud of how far I've come. I looked back today and on 2/1 (just 25 days ago) I could only get up 6 floors. I felt worse after those 6 then I did after the 34 today.

It was great perspective for me. I have only lost 3 lbs in the past 25 days but I am healthier and stronger than I have been in years. I just have to keep doing what I know to do and eventually my body is going to have no choice but to catch up with me. I know now that I am unstoppable. If I can climb 34 floors in 25 minutes at 287 pounds- I CAN DO ANYTHING!!

Just a reminder- If you wait to do the right thing until you feel like doing it- you are in trouble. Do the right thing because it's the right thing..and your feelings will catch up to you!!

Love you all- thanks for sharing this journey with me!! God Bless!!

Nervous

The realization just hit me that I am 9 days away from the "Vertical Dash". I am more prepared then I've ever been but it's still a little scary.

I've had a pretty good exercise week and I am headed off to train on the stairs again tonight. I have really enjoyed the nicer weather and have had my afternoon walk 3 times this week. If you have the Wii Fit- I highly recommend doing 10 minutes of Rhythm boxing- it will really give you a workout.

It is hard to motivate yourself to work out- especially when you don't feel like it. The rewards far outweigh the effort it takes to get moving. I sleep better when I've had a good workout but I'm learning not to work out too late or it keeps me up at night. Chris, Molly and Leanna's family is all coming in town this weekend for Virginia's 1st birthday. I hope that we can all make good eating choices while celebrating her first year. I seem to do great through the week and BLOW it on the weekends.

I hope everyone is motivated to do at least 1 more workout then they did last week. Even if it's just a 30 minute walk. We CAN DO THIS!!

What This World Needs

I was out doing my afternoon walk today and this song came on my Ipod. It is a recurring message that God keeps speaking to me (especially the part in blue) so I thought I would share it with you.

What This World Needs- by Casting Crowns

What this world needs
Is not another one hit wonder with an axe to grind,
Another two bit politician peddlin` lies,
Another three ring circus society.

What this world needs
Is not another sign wavin` super saint that's better than you,
Another ear pleasin` candy man afraid of the truth,
Another prophet in an Armani suit.

Chorus:
What this world needs
Is a Savior who will rescue,
A Spirit who will lead,
A Father who will love them in their time of need.

What this world needs
Is for us to care more about the inside than the outside.
Have we become so blind that we can't see?
God's gotta change her heart before He changes her shirt.

What this world needs
Is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance.
Blendin` in so well that people can't see the difference
And it's the difference that sets the world free.

(Spoken)
People aren't confused by the gospel,
They're confused by us.
Jesus is the only way to God,
But we are not the only way to Jesus.
This world doesn't need
My tie, my hoodie,
My denomination,
or my translation of the Bible,
They just need Jesus.
We can be passionate about what we believe,
But we can't strap ourselves to the gospels.
Because we're slowing it down
Jesus is going to save the world,
But maybe the best thing we can do
Is just get out of the way.

Jesus is our Savior,
That's what this world needs
Father's arms around you,
That's what this world needs
That's what this world needs


We just need to speak about the love of Jesus. I don't think that it's our job as Christians to condemn people. We can often push people AWAY from God this way. It is God's job to convict them. Conviction draws you closer to God.

Forgot how to count

Time is getting away from me. It just occurred to me tonight that there are less than 2 weeks before the "Vertical Dash for Diabetes". Leanna just informed me the other day that she won't be able to do the Dash with me- she has a class at church that day that she forgot about. I figured I better get to training a little harder. I went up to hospital tonight to walk their stairs. My goal was to do 24 flights. My last record was 15. I thought that I had done 36 flights (which is 2 more than I need for the challenge) but I realized on the drive home that I don't know how to multiply. I did 6 floors and then I went to let Leanna know I was there. She was working on the 6th floor tonight. It's good to let a nurse know when you are planning on killing yourself while climbing stairs. I then went down to the ground floor and came back up to the 7th floor twice. I was huffing and puffing pretty hard (I really wish I would never have smoked) so I went into the waiting room and got a glass of water. I then went down to the ground and came back up again. For some reason I had it my head that I had done 36 flights...but alas..I had only done 30. STILL A VICTORY!!. It took me 55 minutes to do 30 flights but I chatted with Leanna for a while and I took more time then usual between rounds. The good news is that I know I will not die by doing the challenge. You would be surprised at how much better that makes me feel.

I want to thank everyone who has donated to the cause already- If you haven't had a chance yet but still wanted to you can go to this link to donate https://secure2.merchantcart.net/KCSportsPublic/main.cfm/Vertical%202009/81DC9BDB52D04DC20036DBD8313ED055/?do=teamwebpage&pid=4370

The next events down the road are the Trolley Run (which I will be doing with Team Jeriah) on 4/26 and the Hillcrest Transitional Housing 5k (which I will be doing on the Desperation Walkers w/out walls team- Marilyn Humphrey Team Captain). Both of these are good causes and I encourage everyone to get involved in some way. I am sure that you will be hearing me talk more about these (or begging for money) as the events get closer.

Weigh in is tomorrow- anything but a gain is success.

TGIF

I am so glad it's Friday. This has been a super long week. I did pretty good eating but I didn't get as much exercise as I did last week. I have had a pain shooting down my left leg for quite some time now (okay- over a year) and it's getting worse. I am pretty sure it is coming from my lower back and has to do with my sciatic nerve. I made quite a few trips to my chiropractor but I have resigned myself to the fact that I need to go to an Orthopod.

The devil has really been trying to convince me that I can't make it up the stairs for the vertical dash but I'm not giving up just yet. My new plan (which I'm going to test this weekend I hope) is to try to walk up 5 flights and then make myself rest for 30 seconds...just to catch my breath and get my air and then go up 5 more flights. I already know I'm not winning any race but I so desperately want to get all the way up. We'll see how that goes.

Our study of "The Shack" ended this week and it's made me kind of sad. I have truly enjoyed the conversations that the book provoked our group to have. Gloria did an awesome job of putting the study together and teaching it, Jeanne always had great insight and Kelli did an excellent job of filling in when everyone else caught the flu. I am blessed to be in fellowship with such a great group of ladies. I ask for continued prayer as I prepare for my testimony that is coming up. God is doing powerful things in me and I know He has plans to do powerful things through me.

I hope you all have a blessed weekend.

We are not who WE say we are

In March 0f 2007- a friend of mine came to me and gave me a piece of paper. She basically told me that she was sick of hearing me say negative stuff about myself and she asked me to read this piece of paper and sign it if I could agree to it. It took me several weeks to be able to sign it. I have asked her permission to share it with you. I hope that it helps you as much as it helped me.

At the top of the paper was this title "Holly is not allowed to call herself a heifer 30 day commitment:"

Psalm 139:14- I will praise You Lord, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Psalm 139: 17, 18 - How precious are Your thoughts toward me, Oh God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand..

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans of welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

Zephaniah 3:17- The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; he will exalt over you with singing

Ephesians 2:9 - For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Proverbs 23:7- For as he thinks in his heart, so is he [and so does that man become]

Proverbs 21:23- He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from troubles

Matthew 12:34- ...For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks

Matthew 15:11- Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.

Galatians 3:29 - And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.

Philippians 4:8 - Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, mediate on these things.

Romans 15:13- Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am the Bride of Christ, I am the temple of God and the Spirit of God dwells in me, I am to God the fragrance of Christ, I am blessed beyond the curse, I am saved, healed, restored and forgiven through the blood of Jesus. I will set my mind on things above and renew my mind according to the Word of God so that I can walk in the fullness of all that God has for me. I will cast down every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and I will bring it into captivity to the obedience of Christ. I will give praise and thanks to the One who made me to be unique. I will not make degrading comments about myself. I choose to line up my thinking with the Word of God and believe what God believes about me, being confident that He who has begun a good work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Because Romans 10:17 states that faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God, I know that I need to speak the Word of God out loud so that I can hear it, and then it will resonate in me and build faith and confidence in my heart and spirit.

I, _________ (insert name), commit to speaking the above scriptures and Godly encouragement over myself once per day for 30 days in order to help form a habit of believing the best about myself. I am free to add my own additional scriptures and Godly encouragement.



We have got to start being those who listen to what God say we are and NOT what our past says we are, not what our friends say we are, not what our guilt says we are, not what our weight says we are. I pray that every one who reads this will take an opportunity to examine how you talk ABOUT yourself TO yourself. Do you need to sign this commitment??

Thoughts I Felt Like Sharing

We are called to be the light of the world and NOT a darkness pointer outer

Jesus died so I could be set free from me

Some people don't take care of themselves because they don't even like themselves

Love is not God's occupation- it's who HE is!

Don't live to be functionally dysfunctional

On the narrow path- there is no room for your fleshly baggage

If you ever doubt God's LOVE for you - you will doubt God's word for/to you

All of us are just one JESUS away from hell

When you pray for something- God will give you the course- learn how to use the pressure to gain small victories- that way when you get the prize- you're ready for it

No matter what you are going thorugh- No matter how bad it gets- YOU WIN!!

The devil will invite you to every pity party that he throws- I dare you to not attend

One thing I am not EVER going to do again is NOTHING

Most of us are no longer Fisher's of Men- but have become Keepers of the Aquarium

If you can heal a child- You won't have to rescue an adult

When I get out of bed in the morning - Hell should tremble

Love is not a theory, feeling or a word- It is something you do

If you wait until you feel like doing what's right- you're in trouble --Choose to do what's right and your feelings will catch up to you.

You may be the only Jesus that your neighbor will ever see

Happy 50% off Chocolate Day

I hope everyone had a great Sunday. I worked MediaShout at church today. That is the person who sits in the sound booth and makes sure that the words to the songs and/or the pastor's notes are up on the screen. My Pastor told me right in the middle of service that I was fired. It's a good thing that I am a volunteer and can't really get fired. It's a good thing that I have the best Pastor on the face of the earth and I know that he is a big ol' jokester and was just giving me a hard time.

I did my 30 minutes of Wii today. For those who don't have one..I promise It kicks your butt!! Today was 6 minutes of hula hooping--- whew!! I did 30 minutes of Wii every day this week except Monday and Saturday. I walked 30 minutes in the afternoon on Monday and I helped a friend move yesterday so I got at least 30 min of exercise every day this week. This is the beautiful park where I get the pleasure of walking-now you know why it helps with my anger and frustration-

The one thing that keeps coming back to me to share on this blog is the need to not beat ourselves up. We ALL have done it. Leanna worked all night on Thursday night and then had several meetings that she needed to attend on Friday. By the time she got done with the meetings, she was starving and tired. So..she stopped and got a Quarter Pounder w/cheese and some fries. It was the quickest, easiest way to get fed and it was comforting. When she got up to go to work on Friday night she made the statement that she had better not eat the rest of the night because she had blown it. Why do we do this? Why do we think that just because we eat one thing that isn't the "healthiest" for us that we feel the need to not only jump off the bandwagon but take off running down the street like we are being chased. I was listening to "You on a Diet" by Dr. Oz and I heard him say- It isn't the first cookie that you eat that's the problem- it's the 3rd and the 4th and the 5th. We eat a piece of chocolate or a cookie and think...well -- now we blew it..so I might as well get my fill so that I can start again tomorrow. Have ONE and then make a U turn and get back to eating right and if you have 3...then at the next appropriate moment...make a U turn. Like He said, If you are driving down the road and you miss your turn -your GPS doesn't start berating you and telling you that you are a failure- it just tells you the make a U Turn at the next appropriate time

Happy Valentine's Day

Tomorrow is really the major holiday. It's 5o% off chocolate day!! What a bad day for dieters. I got plenty of exercise in today. A friend of mine bought a house and needed help moving today. It's a shame when someone says they "only" have a bed and some chairs and then you haul a HUGE trailer full of furniture. However, it's amazing how much of a house you can get for your money now a days.

I hope everyone has had a great week. I pray that you made good choices and when you didn't- you didn't beat yourself up you just made a U-turn.

I promise to have more profound posts soon!!

New pictures

Molly, Leanna and I were finally on in the same spot. This hasn't happened since before the blog was created so I felt like it was time to get a new picture for the top of the blog. Chris- I promise we'll get you in one of these soon!!

We were at Joann Fabric and it didn't seem like there was anyone who wanted to snap a picture for us. I didn't really have a camera with me but I did have my work blackberry with me which takes decent pictures. We decided to give it a whirl using the "self-portrait" method.

This one was inside the store and didn't come out the best. Again- there were plenty of people who were laughing at us..but no one willing to help take a picture.

Our first outside shot was so dark that you couldn't see our faces so Leanna had the bright idea to turn the other way. As you can see by the look on her face---it was a LITTLE sunny.

Leanna's second idea was to move into the shade but apparently my belly was too big so she was straining to get into the shot.

Molly decided to try holding the camera and taking the picture. I think that she thinks she has longer arms or something...anyway...she cut off Leanna's head in the picture but the 2 of us turned out great.

My favorite is the picture that has been added to the top of the blog. You can already see how much our looks are changing. To refresh your memory- here is the picture that WAS posted up there.

Have an AWESOME day

15 and counting

Today was a good exercise day for me. I walked for 30 minutes this afternoon. I have actually started adding small bursts of jogging into the middle of my walks just trying to get my heart rate up and expand my lungs. I then came home and did about 20 minutes on the Wii Fit. I did some yoga, some strength training and some yoga. I then sat on my rear and watched "The Biggest Loser". I just loooooove that show. I know that their weight loss totals are not realistic for those of us doing it in the "real world" but it has definitely helped me along the way. I remember last year when I had lost 75lbs. I was really having a hard time because while it sounded like a big number - I couldn't see it. I was watching "Biggest Loser" and they had all lost around the 75lb mark and I was noticing how different they looked..and I thought..I must look that different too. It helps to see it on others. It has also helped me on this trip down the weight loss path. I have said a million times that I can't run. I will never run. By watching the contestants and hearing the trainers I realized that I've never "really" tried. Jillian is always telling people that they can push themselves farther than they ever thought possible. That is motivating me. For those who might be concerned...I do realize that I am not under the watchful eye of a trainer who is going to make sure I don't push harder than I should..but it helps me to push a little.

Speaking of pushing a little- Leanna convinced me that after "The Biggest Loser" we needed to go to the hospital and climb some stairs. I walked up 1 flight to get to the south tower and then we walked from the 1st floor to the 7th floor- took the elevator down to the ground floor and went back up to the 7th floor- then another flight back to the car. Now..when I got to the top of the stairwell for the 2nd time...I was STRUGGLING. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and I finally realized how people on the Biggest Loser push themselves until they puke. If I would have tried even 1 more stair..it wouldn't have been pretty. My legs were holding out okay but my lungs are NOT happy. It might have to do with the years of smoking 2 packs a day. Thank GOD that I gave those up 3 1/2 years ago. So..I just need to keep working. I have almost 4 weeks left to train. 2 weeks ago I just barely got up 7 floors so I figure I'm on the right track. I will take any suggestions on some good lung expanded- leg muscle building exercises. I will keep tackling the stairs as well, I just need variety.

Thank you all for walking this journey with me. Your support means the world to me.

It's Splurge Time

The good ol' tax refund came this week and we had huge discussions in the house at to what to do with the money. The adults felt like we had worked hard for our refunds and we deserved to splurge a little on ourselves. We also felt like we should do something "important" with our refunds. We decided to take the boys on a mission trip to La Croc, Mexico with Youthfront. I think that a lot of the kids of this generation cannot wrap their minds around how lucky they have it. The bible says Go Ye into all the world...we are the Ye!! I believe we are called to spread the love of Jesus with as many people as possible. So in June we will be headed to Mexico to build a house and run a vacation bible school.


So back to our splurges...


For those of you who know Leanna, you know that she is a READER!! She will often have to take 2 bags with her so that she can put 7 different books in there. She needs her bible, and a murder mystery, and a self help, and some poetry....she needs variety AT ALL TIMES. Her splurge was a Sony reader digital ebook. She can download a bunch of books on it and it's paper thin so she can put it in her everyday bag. She can put music on it and pictures and she's already downloaded 4 books. She is super duper excited about it.


As silly as it is..I wanted a Wii Fit. Well you can't just get the Fit...you gotta get the Wii too. This thing is pretty cool. It weighs you in (but you don't have to look at it if you don't want to), checks your BMI..you can set weight loss goals. It has a personal trainer who guides you through strength training exercises, aerobics, yoga and balance. It is amazing how the balance board can sense you and help you to engage the correct muscles to do the exercises. I have also learned that I am better at the hula hoop than I originally thought...and Josh is NOT so good. We had a great time just messing around with it tonight. I have to tell you that it will give you quite a workout.

5 tips from Dr. Oz

A big thank you to Molly for today's blog idea. Apparently Dr. Oz was on Good Morning America this morning will all kinds of super duper advice for us. Here are his 5 tips.

Tip 1: Ease Up on the Stress to Control Eating - he says "When you have stress, you'll eat more and things you wouldn't normally eat," - I just want to say...DUH!!!!

Tip 2: Don't Just Count Calories, Count Exercise- "muscle, when it's being used, will burn 50 times more calories than fat will" This is why it is sooo critical that we get out and get some muscle ladies...I hear you can burn a lot of muscle hiking up 34 flights of stairs.

Tip 3: Sleep Is the Key to Building Muscle - "sleep is the best way for us to generate growth hormone, and without that we can't build the muscle mass" It also keeps us from having so much of that stress he talks about in #1 up there. It also can save our kids' lives.

Tip 4: Forgive Yourself for Mistakes and Learn to Feel Better "Listen, when you're driving along on the road and you missed your turn, the GPS doesn't berate you. Right? It says at the next available moment, make an authorized U-turn. What's the big deal? The whole purpose of this is not to be healthier, it's to feel better," Oz said. --Why do we have such a hard time with this one???

Tip 5: Make Long-Term Changes You Can Sustain - He said there's no real benefit for people to eat what they hate to eat for the short term- This is soo totally true. I often have to remind myself that I am NOT going to go without pizza for the rest of my life so I better find a way to incorporate it in. Same with Mexican =)

If you want to read more about this you can go to Good Morning America's site and read all about it. I encourage everyone to continue to reach out and learn new tips and tricks that might work for you. Everyone's journey is just a little bit different and what works for me might not work for you. The trick is just staying focused on striving for results.

On another note..Leanna said that she is trying Molly's "See How Sick We Can Get and Hopefully Lose Five Pounds" weight loss method this week. I prefer any method besides that one. =)

Why oh WHY!!!

This post tonight is totally random but it's my blog and if I want to be random...it's my right..LOL.

Why oh why does "The Biggest Loser" insist on making the women go up on the scale in their sports bras? Now..I understand that they make the men go up on the scale with no shirts on but they get to wear their shirts the whole rest of the time. The other thing that I don't understand is why when they get to the end of the season, everyone starts weighing in with T-shirts on. Is there some value added by seeing all of their flab?

On another note..without giving anything away for those who haven't seen it but still want to...I was soo glad tonight that one of the players who had been at home for the last 3o days started crying when they only lost 15lbs. It reminded me that while I can get inspiration and exercise ideas from "The Biggest Loser"..the amount of weight that they are losing is not at all realistic. Even Bob said..losing weight is a full time job for those on the ranch and those that went home couldn't compare themselves to those who had been there the whole time. Furthermore, Jillian reminded the person who lost 15lbs that they had lost 1/2 lb a day for the 30 days they were home. That made me start thinking about my own weight loss. In the 32 days that I have been dieting I lost 13 lbs. That is not quite 1/2 a lb a day but pretty dang close. Sometimes it just helps to put it back in perspective.

I am glad that God is using this blog to bless others. This journey will be long and it won't be without it's bumps and bruises but it is soooo critically important that we don't give up. Not on ourselves and not on each other. Not if we eat pizza, not if we don't work out, not for nothing!!!

Love you all!!

6 flights and counting

I am looking forward to the weigh in tomorrow. I know that I've lost something only because my pants are getting looser.



I know that a lot of people think that I am insane for attempting the Vertical Dash for Diabetes (just because I can only get up 6 flights so far). It is serving it's purpose already. I was really tired on Friday evening and wanted to lay down and go to sleep. I sat down on my bed and thought "you aren't going to make it up 34 flights of stairs by going to bed early." It got me up and got me moving. I am lucky that I live in a split level house. This way I can walk up my own stairs for training. I think I am going to go up to the hospital next weekend and walk up their stairs. They have 7 flights and it will be good to train on them. The only problem with my home stairs is that I have to walk back down them every time.



If you want to join me (Sara and Megan are already on board) then you need to register on-line. The website is https://secure2.merchantcart.net/KCSportsPublic/main.cfm/Vertical%202009/81DC9BDB52D04DC20036DBD8313ED055/?do=teamwebpage&pID=4370. When you get there, there is a place on top of the thermometer that allows you to register now and join the team. We are team # 2 and our team name is Going All Out.

I am hoping to raise $200 as a team. If you don't feel like you can walk the 34 flights of stairs but God puts it on your heart to support our efforts, you can donate to the team here https://secure2.merchantcart.net/KCSportsPublic/main.cfm/Vertical%202009/81DC9BDB52D04DC20036DBD8313ED055/?do=teamwebpage&pID=4370.

Thank you to all of you are walking this journey with me. I look forward to getting all of the weight loss updates tomorrow. God Bless!!

Exercise for Good Causes

There are 2 things on my mind that I want to talk about tonight. #1 is that we only need to sacrifice 30 minutes a day. God keeps putting that on my heart. I keep whining and complaining about how much I hate exercising and God keeps saying "30 minutes a day, Holly- it's just 30 minutes a day". I do a lot of things in my day that I don't like doing and I do them for more than 30 minutes and there is very little reward for me. I deserve to spend 30 minutes a day taking care of my health so that I can be around for my family, so that I can enjoy retirement, so that I can the things that I have only dared dream. I encourage everyone to just find 30 minutes a day- and it might be after everyone has gone to bed (please note the time of this post). If you aren't lucky enough to own any workout equipment then find a big can of peaches and use them as weights. If you have stairs in your house, walk up and down the stairs. Go to Vintage Stock and spend $2 for an exercise tape, or heck I probably have one you could borrow. Just get moving, however that looks to you. Maybe you just need to dust off the exercise equipment that is in the garage, basement, under the bed etc.. and use it. I am not preaching my friends as this is a constant struggle for me ...but we need to get moving..somehow..someway.

Thought # 2 - I keep thinking that I need a goal. Just a short term goal. I am like a lot of people that are working on getting healthy- I look at what I would ultimately like to lose and it's 40%. That is A LOT!! and it seems so far away from reality. I need something to work towards that is a little closer to reality. I have been looking at 5k walks and bike rides and any type of physical activity that I (or we) could do that would give me something to work towards that would also benefit others. I open to suggestions from anyone who knows of good events that are taking place. It has to be something that doesn't require me to be superfit..and that I can do (no matter how slowly). It also has to help others. There was one in February that I was looking at but I don't think that realistically I want to set myself up for a failure. The one I am looking at right now is "Vertical Dash for Diabetes" on Saturday March 7th. The cost is $18.00. Chris and Leanna's father has been beating his diabetes, Molly has dealt with Diabetes, a dear friend of mine was recently diagnosed with diabetes, and a lot of others in my life are affected. This is a cause I can get behind. The event is as daunting as it sounds. It is a vertical dash up 34 flights of stairs. I can assure you that the website makes it very clear that it is not necessary to "dash" up the stairs and they welcome anyone who wants to "walk" up the stairs. They state the goal is to raise money for Diabetes while encouraging individuals to take part in physical activity. Do I think that walking up 34 flights of stairs would kick my butt?? ABSOLUTELY!! Do I think that I would be dang proud of myself when I got to the top?? ABSOLUTELY!! Then imagine how much fun it would be to go back next year and blow your time out of the water. So my question is --- who wants to do it with me???? Anyone..anyone..anyone...Bueller!! Once I get an idea if there will be enough to form a "team" then I will register the team so everyone else can register. The website is http://www.kcfit.net/verticaldash/index.html. Pray about it and let me know!!

God Bless!!!!!

Everyone on the bandwagon

A lot of people have talked to me about their weight loss journey lately. I think the blog is serving the purpose that God intended it to. It is a place where we can be honest about our struggles and support and encourage each other. I have had several people ask if they can join our biggest loser competition. The funny thing is, it isn't really much of a competition because we have no prizes..we are using it as a motivator. It is a way to hold each other accountable- it is amazing how much you think about the fact that you have to report your weight on Mondays. Sometimes it is all you need to put down that cookie you are about to eat.

Having said that- my philosophy is..the more the merrier. I am going to continue to track and post the weight loss of the original four people. I am going to encourage everyone else who is walking this journey with us to post your weight loss percentage in a comment. To figure your percentage, take the amount of weight that you lost over the previous week and divide it by the weight you weighed last week and then multiply it by 100. This will give you the percentage of weight that you lost. As an example, if you weigh 200 and then on the next weigh in you weigh 197 your calculation would look like this 3/200 = .015 x 100= 1.5%.

If it's too much work for you, you can simply send me an e-mail at holly.waugh@thermofisher.com on Mondays and I will calculate and track your weight loss on the Monday Weigh in update. I recommend that you always weigh in first thing in the morning (after any morning potty business) and weigh in as close to naked as you can get. I promise to never post anyone's weight (except my own) on this site- only percentage lost over last week and overall percentage lost. If you have been dieting for any length of time and you want to provide your starting weight, the date of first weigh in and your current weight I will reflect your total weight loss percentage in the overall totals.

Let's work together to beat this bad health once and for all.

God Bless

Do It Anyway

There is a lesson I learned at a Women's Conference that keeps coming back to my day to day thoughts. Very often when there is something you don't want to do, you need to do it anyway simply because it's the right thing to do. Your feelings will eventually catch up to you. If you know you should go for a walk but you really don't want to, get up- tie your shoes and get to walking. About halfway through your walk, you will start to feel better and you will find yourself glad you did it. If you and friend have a disagreement and you have each walked away offended, even though everything inside of you is screaming "I'm not apologizing- I was right and I don't care if I ever talk to her again", be the one to go back and apologize for your part in the disagreement and eventually your feelings will catch up with you and you will be glad that your friendship was restored. In all things, ask yourself what God would have you do and then do it..even if your flesh doesn't want to...and eventually your feelings will catch up to you.

Tomorrow is the weigh in for this week. Several people at church have asked how it is going and so far I think I am doing pretty good. It isn't always easy. I have been craving Mexican food. I mean REALLY craving some cheesy ooey gooey goodness. I even went so far as to look at "On the Borders" nutrition information but couldn't bring myself to eat 1800 calories for a meal. To split it would still be 900 calories plus you HAVE to have chips and salsa when go to a Mexican restaurant. I found a recipe for low calorie/fat Chicken Chilaquiles, and made up some fresh guacamole and my craving has been taken care of for now. Now don't get me wrong, I know it is critically important not to deny myself food or I will be right back where I started. I got some sort of exercise on 4 days this week so that is definitely an improvement. I am finding people crawling out of the woodwork who are trying to lose weight. Everyone seems to be motivating each other and encouraging each other. I think that's pretty awesome and just another super duper way to build RELATIONSHIPS!!!

Best Car Dealership in Town

I received a call from a friend this morning. I had promised her a long time ago to go car shopping with her and she was cashing in on that promise. Her car completely died this morning never to move again. She wanted a Honda and I told her that I would help her but she had to promise me that she wouldn't tell anyone I helped her with a HONDA. We are a General Motors family...Chevy all the way baby!!!! and if you can't do GM you better dang well buy American but I digress. So anyway..we went to Jay Wolfe Honda to look at a Honda Fit. I took the opportunity on the drive there to explain my stereotypical theory on how to deal with car salesmen. They invariably hide information from you, won't tell you your interest rate - just payment information, and they push hard to sell you a bunch of stuff that you don't need.

Jay Wolfe Honda did NOT do these things. Kris (I'm not sure of his last name but it starts with a P) was the best car salesman I have ever met. He just shot it straight to you, he was very friendly, he wasn't pushy at all and he was just super nice. The credit app was filled out and within 5 minutes they were back saying the credit was excellent, here's your APR, our finance guy will be right with you. Of course the finance guy had to do his job so he went through all of the extended warranty information, life insurance, gap insurance..blah blah blah. He just went through them and did not pressure at all when we said we didn't want it. We were in the door, out for a 15 minute test drive, loan approved, papers signed, and out the door in about 2 hours. That is UNHEARD OF!! I asked the finance guy if they had a GM dealership and he told me no. I told him that was too bad because I would buy all of my cars from them.

So if you ever find yourself in need of a Honda (which I am not condoning---Chevy..woohooo) I recommend Jay Wolfe Honda at 103rd and State Line!!

On a different note, I got 3 afternoon walks in this week and a plan for a little more this weekend and I am looking forward to monday's weigh in. As always, my prayers are with all of you who are struggling right along with me!!!! God Bless

Enjoying Exercise?? Who knew

I really think that God has a sense of humor. I have been praying for God to light a fire in my heart or better yet..in my feet to get motivated for exercise. I went to Panera for dinner and had a Turkey Artichoke sandwich that was scrumdillyicious. The boys were at church so I took my time to enjoy my sandwich and some soup. I took my "The Shack" comparative study booklet and took "The Shack" and read through the 3 chapters we are covering tomorrow to refresh my memory. THIS IS SUCH A GOOD BOOK. Panera closes at 8 (which does not make ANY sense to me) so I went ahead and drove back to the church. I knew I was going to get there early so I figured I would put the seat back and take a little siesta. God had OTHER plans. I could almost hear him saying "you could walk laps"- "you could walk laps"- "you could walk laps" over and over again. I finally just chuckled and got out of the truck, tied up my shoes, put my Ipod in and started walking. At first..I was just singing along to the music (Bob from the Biggest Loser says that singing while you exercise increases the aerobic benefit). The next thing you know..I am praying away and God is speaking straight into my heart. This is very rare for me (the hearing-not the praying) and I can count on one hand the number of times that I knew that I knew it was God. Don't get me wrong, there are times that I know He has acted in my life, times that I know He has had other people speak into my life, times where the same thought keeps coming to my mind...but this was almost audible and God and I had a real conversation tonight. I caught myself laughing out loud and asking him things that I've always wanted to know about certain situations in my life. He didn't always answer the questions, but it sure felt good to ask them.

God can do so much good if we will just follow his leadings. I almost shutter to think about the awesome experience I would have missed tonight if I would have simply laid back my seat and took a nap.

New Frustration Management tool

For those who read the blog faithfully (or those of you who really know me) know that I have a tad bit of an anger management problem. I was raised in a house with yelling and it seems that I have inherited that trait. I do way better now (with God's help) then I have ever done before but I'm a work in progress. It usually happens when I have tried and tried to express myself in a "non-yelling" way and eventually feel like I am not being heard. I am sure that there are some roots inside that God is still working on removing in regards to this! =)

Anyway...it seems that lately my frustration level at work has been through the roof. I took a position in IT last February and have received minimal training. I get frustrated when I am having issues with the system that I can't resolve and I feel like I am being "told" what to do and not "taught" how to do it. I hope that makes sense. For the record, I don't have that issue with everyone on my team but it happens enough to push me over the edge sometimes.

I have been brainstorming ways to reduce my frustration level at work. I had a conversation with Jody (my level 2 analyst) and spoke a little truth. I let him know that I am not the best at asking for help and if he could just check in with me a couple of times a week to help with problem tickets I would be very appreciative. I also told him that I would work on specifically asking for what I need.

I also had a conversation with my team and got the OK to combine both of my 15 minute breaks into a 30 minute window in the afternoon where I can leave the building and go for a walk. I found a park a few blocks down from my job that has a trail around a pond. It is very beautiful and it allows me to get "quiet" with God and cast my prayers and my cares upon Him as I get some much needed exercise. I will have to keep you updated on how well that is working. I would humbly ask that anyone reading this blog send up an extra prayer for God to help me dig the anger roots out.

God Bless

**** PS..Skinny Cow Vanilla Caramel Ice Cream Cones are the bomb!!!

What a Beautiful Day

I have decided that God makes days like this in the middle of the winter just for me. As I've said a million times, I hate exercising for the sake of exercising. I don't mind walking but I like to get out into nature to do it. I took some time today to put my Ipod on and go out to Stocksdale park and take a walk. I prefer to walk on the "natural" trail but I was afraid it would be a little too muddy so I stuck to the paved trail. There is something about being out in God's wondrous beauty and feeling the wind blowing that makes walking tolerable. Of course anyone who saw me walking would have thought I was a little nuts. I tend to draw very near to God when I'm listening to songs of worship while I'm out with the wildlife (okay ..I didn't even see a squirrel but you know what I mean.) I spent a lot of time with my hands up in worship which I have to imagine enhances the workout. =)

I haven't done the best at working out this week but short of the papa murphy's "incident" I have been great on the food side. Tomorrow is weigh in day so I am hopeful that I've lost weight. I am not losing as fast as I would like but I keep reminding myself that it is all about small changes that will last a lifetime. I am so very thankful for all of the encouragement that we are receiving. It sure does help us get through the week.

New Club I'm Starting

I am starting a new club. It's called "People for Realistic Serving Sizes". So I didn't blog last night because I was irritated at myself and at Papa Murphy's. We had a coupon for a Chicken Artichoke Bacon D'lite pizza from Papa Murphy's so I did my due diligence and looked up the nutrition information before we decided to get it. It wasn't too bad. It was 180 calories per slice and 9 grams of fat. I knew that the 9 grams of fat was a little high but not too bad for a piece of pizza and I had been saving up some calories for some pizza.

So anyway..the pizza comes out of the oven smelling better than I ever could have expected. The crust was nice and crispy and the cheese was bubbly. I ate that first piece and thought..mmm..this is good. I had another piece using the rationalization that it would still only put me at 360 and I usually allow myself about 700 calories for dinner. Needless to say, by the time we were done we had finished off the whole pizza. Now..while I know that this is an issue in and of itself, I had made a choice. I knew that it was 720 calories and 36 grams of fat. I would usually never eat anything close to that many fat grams but I also know that if I don't allow myself some pizza every once in a while that I would do great for a few weeks and then binge. So...anyway..I had made a choice. I then went on the computer later in the evening to log my calories and went back to Papa Murphy's website to make sure I had my #'s correctly. It was then and only then that I saw the little bitty print that said that a serving size was based on a piece being 1/10th of the pizza. This would have equated to a sliver. CAN WE GET REALISTIC?? So anyway...I got frustrated and had to give myself a pep talk to do better at looking at serving sizes (which I almost always do) and that maybe next time, I should eat a big salad before the pizza comes out so that I won't want so much.

I just sometimes wonder who comes up with these serving sizes....they drive me nuts.

The Shack

So tonight was the first night of a comparative study of "The Shack". If you haven't had a chance to read it yet, I highly recommend it. There is a lot of controversy surrounding the book but I encourage you to read it for yourself and form your own opinion.

Most importantly- tonight was about fellowship and relationship. It's good to be vulnerable to others in the church even if someone (who shall remain nameless for now) felt the need to pinch me when I was vulnerable..you know who you are. The group at DC are the most awesome bunch of women that I've ever had the privilege to get to know. I look forward to "un"blending with them.

Nothing much to report

I don't have much to say tonight. This morning was one of those mornings that make you want to turn the car around, go back home, crawl into bed and pull the covers way up over so that you can hide from the world. However my good pal Jody brought me some strong black coffee and it hit the spot. It no longer seemed to matter that I lost the meds, the car, my cell phone and my computer gave me the error of death. I had coffee..woohoo.

I had JBQ this afternoon and had a good time talking to the kids about how they thought the tournament went. Everyone seems to have had a good time. Marlene and I had to have a discussion about how she won't drink her water and I have decided that everytime I see her and she doesn't have a water in her hand, I am going to put it in the blog. Maybe this will help her with her water intake. Actually she told me that she had finally looked at my blog and was expecting to see her name in it since she was such an awesome assistant coach on Saturday. I kindly informed Marlene that I wouldn't put anyone's name in the blog unless I know it's okay with them. Now that I know it's okay I decided to put Marlene's name in here several times =)

The diet is going well..the exercise is lacking..but better =)

The Best Laid Plans

So I had my evening all figured it out- (Isn't that how it always starts). I was going to get home from work at 6 and I was going to get as much cooking done as possible before Biggest Loser started at 7. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a HUGE Biggest Loser fan so Tuesday nights are planned around my show.



I cook for 2 other people at work so it is my job to plan healthy meals for them. This is awesome for accountability because they expect me to bring a meal that is good for them. I can't just decide to eat garbage or to not take my lunch so that I can grab some fast food. It also is a great way to add a little extra income.



I usually cook the majority of the food on Sunday and put it in rubbermaid type containers so that they are good to go in the mornings but this past Sunday I was too tired to get all of the cooking done. Today was the only day I had to finish cooking the meals so I had to make Chicken Noodle Roll ups, Smoky Gouda Broccoli, Curry Chicken Cutlets and Honey Glazed Garlic Pot Roast tonight. I already knew I wasn't going to get it done before my show started but I hoped to be done in time for the weigh ins. I come in, put my stuff down, hug everyone and then I ask one of the boys to feed the dogs. Then I hear this little voice behind me that says "uhhh...we are out of dog food." Now the boys have been told a million times that if we start running low on dog food that they have to let us know so that we can make arrangements to get some more before they run out so I ask a simple question- "how much do we have left??" The voice gets a little lower.."uhhh...none and we don't have any to feed them tonight". Now would be a good time to ask for prayer for my quick temper. I only snapped for a minute then I simmered down and reminded him that he needs to tell me in advance.



So...anyways...I started cooking around 7 (after the dogs were fed) and just got done a few minutes ago. It all looked pretty good so we'll see how it tastes in the next few days. I should know by now not to make plans for the evening. My life always goes smoother when I just go with the flow. There is less chance to get frustrated this way.



I hope everyone has a fabulous night. God Bless

It's not just about Eternal Life

I feel led to share a thought with you so I am going to type a mid day post before I forget what I swant to say.

I keep thinking back to the days before I was saved. The days before I had given my life to Jesus. There were quite a few Christians that I had come across along my journey. They were awesome people who truly loved Jesus. I would constantly be told that Jesus was the way to eternal life. It seemed like that was what every Christian that I encountered focused on. Every where I turned I was being told that if I wanted to live forever then I should come to know Jesus because He was the only way. What everyone failed to understand was that every time I heard that- my heart was screaming "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE AT ALL SO WHY DO I CARE ABOUT LIVING FOREVER!!!". I think that sometimes we as Christians tend to focus on the Eternal Life aspect of Jesus as the way to save. This totally works for some but for others who are totally broken, they sometimes need another message.

I often think that if someone would have seen the real me and seen the person who felt unloved, unwanted, unworthy and told me that there was a Jesus who was real that could love me unconditionally (just the way I was)- I might have listened. If I knew that there was a Jesus who didn't expect anything in return for His love except for me to love Him back- I might have listened. If I knew that my self worth was not my value to him and had nothing to do with whether He would love me or not- I might have listened.

I feel like I have been led to write this to encourage those of us who are Christians to take a look at how we are sharing the love of Jesus with non-believers. I also write it to encourage any of you who might not know it that Jesus loves you just the way you are. He wants nothing more than a relationship with you. You don't have to change or get your life right. He will take you beat down and broken and then He will make you whole. I know one thing that I didn't understand is that I wasn't the one who needed to do the changing. I kept trying to do it on my own. I knew I didn't want to go on living the life I was living but nothing I tried worked. I simply needed to make the decision to turn my life over to Him and let Him do the changing in me.

Thank you for letting me share my heart.

Eye Toy is New Favorite Workout

We had JBQ today. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is Junior Bible Quiz. The children in our church learn the answer to some 500 questions about the bible. The hide God's word in their heart and then they get to have fun with what they learn. On one Saturday a month they get to quiz against other churches in the area. Today was the first time our children went to a Quiz Meet. I am soooo proud of the kids from the church. They were on their best behavior, they "got" the true meaning of why we were learning- (not to win), the were good sports whether they win or lost. Desperation Church kids are AWESOME!! Working with kids is soooo rewarding. If you have any patience for children I would encourage you to get involved in with the children at your church- unless of course you have 10 kids of your own and then maybe you need a break. =)

Okay..so on to my new toy. I was having a conversation the other day with this guy at work named Aaron. We were talking about how I wished I could afford a Wii because I would really like to get a Wii fit. I am all about exercising without actually knowing I'm excercising. He told me that he and his wife have an eye toy and there was a new game that kind of helped you work out. I had forgotten all about the Eye Toy so I immediately googled it to see how much they were. It seemed they were reasonably priced on ebay but I didn't want to wait that long. I had to get moving soon!! I went to Vintage Stock today and they had a used Eye Toy for $14.99. They also had a game called Kinetic which is what I think Aaron was talking about. It was $14.99 too. It allows you to create workout routines. There are 2 personal trainers that help you along the way. You can get cardio, combat, toning, and mind.

I brought it home and hooked it up because I wanted to see what it did. The 4 of us spent the next 2 1/2 hours jumping around the living room. It was quite the workout. The boys had fun and all of us got some much needed exercise. Rhonda on one of my earlier posts recommended that we pay ourselves $5 for every pound we lose. I think the idea is to have clothes money when you are done losing but I thought..hmm..I've lost 6 lbs, that's $30. I should be able to by an Eye Toy. Leanna is saving up for a digital book. She saw one at Target the other day and now she is totally hooked. I told her that at $5 a lb, she only had 60 lbs to go. She looked like she wanted to smack me so I changed the subject..hahaha.

It's Night Night Time

It is a sad day when I am heading to bed at 6:15 in the evening but that's the plan!! A new friend sent me some sleep dust..wooohooo!!!

The diet is going well and I made everyone sandwiches tonight on my new Foreman 360. I used to have a little foreman grill and I didn't use it very much. I had to train in Philadelphia and this very nice lady in the cafeteria where my training was held made me a turkey sandwich on 12 grain bread with pepper jack cheese and pressed it on a panini press. It was the BEST sandwich that I had ever eaten. I came back home and told my Mom that I wanted a Panini press for Christmas. She always gets frustrated with me because I never have Christmas ideas. I would have been happy with a little $20 Hamilton Beach panini press from Wal-mart but Mom went all out. She got me a Foreman 360 grill with removable plates. I can bake pizzas, make frittatas, grill chicken, make quesadillas, make paninis and so much more. It has a variable heat setting so I can make all kinds of different things. It was very much appreciated. It was nice to make the boys some grilled cheese sandwiches without having to smear butter all over it.

God is so amazingly awesome. If you don't know this already I'll be happy to tell you all of the reasons that I think so. We have JBQ (Junior Bible Quiz) in the morning and I am super excited to see God move through these children. Have an awesome night.

Fellowship is Important

I want to thank everyone for all of the great food ideas. I am looking forward to trying all of them. I also decided that some of the hunger/shaky feeling is fatigue. I haven't been sleeping very well this week and I am sure that isn't helping at all. I am feeling much much better!!

We had our Women's Free for All at church tonight. It is truly amazing how much I miss these ladies when I don't get to see them for a while. With the holidays and the weather issues in December things got postponed and our women's ministry hasn't met in a while. Desperation Church has the most amazing bunch of women. They are on fire for God and His light shines out through them. So anyway, I told everyone goodbye and walked outside at 9pm but I have only been home for 30 minutes. You will see by the time on this post that perhaps I stood outside for a while. For those of you who KNOW me, you will know how crazy that is because I have always been a blender in crowds. For me to be standing around outside chit-chatting for almost 2 hours is NOT NORMAL! For those of you who THINK you know me- you think that I am loud, obnoxious and opinionated and it's normal for me to stand around chit-chatting. That's because I have gotten to know you and you aren't in a crowd. =)I would like to take a moment to thank the brave soul who engaged me in a meaningful conversation in 30 degree weather. I value your friendship and I hope you have defrosted.

Our Women's ministry leader firmly believes in "What's your story of his glory". She feels like a good way to build relationships is to share testimonies. I wholeheartedly agree. I have heard several testimonies during Women's ministry time and there is always a message for me. God has been moving in me for the last few months that my story needs to be heard. Of course, I am just as opinionated with God as I am with everyone else so I pretty much told him that I would be just fine keeping my story to myself. In case you haven't learned this yet- GOD ALWAYS WINS. He is not above using those around you in strategic ways to CONVINCE you that his way is the right way. So I will be telling my story during the next Women's Free for All. I am sure God has a lot to talk to me about between now and then. God knows that I have a lot to process and a lot of decisions to make on what I feel like He is leading me to share. I feel like He is calling me not only to acknowledge that my scars are still wounds but to open those wounds wide open so that He can wash them clean. I am saying BRING IT ON!!!

I am Full

It's late and I'm tired but I wanted to take a minute to clarify yesterday's post. I appreciate all of the suggestions and feedback but I think my post was misunderstood.

A lot of times when people go on a diet, they complain that they aren't getting enough food and aren't satisfied. I think that this is what everyone is thinking I was saying so I got a lot of suggestions to raise the amount of calories that I allow myself to eat. I think that may be a good idea but it isn't the issue that I am having.

I am having the exact opposite problem. I feel like I am eating all day long. I eat a good breakfast before work and get full and 2 hours later I am famished. I then eat a snack and within an hour I'm famished again, so I eat another snack and within an hour or so it's lunch time. I eat lunch and I'm FULL but about 2 hours later I'm starving again so I eat another snack. I am averaging 3 good size meals and about 8 snacks a day and I am having a hard time getting to 1900 calories. Like I said yesterday, it is not something I expected to be complaining about but I am sick of eating!! I did a little more analyzing of my food charts over the last few days and I think that part of the problem is that my snacks need to be bigger. Maybe this will tide me over for a longer period of time. My body is burning the fuel faster than I can put it in. Don't get me wrong this is a good problem to have and I am blessed that my metabolism is firing on all cylinders (for the first time ever).

So...any ideas on some healthy snacks that will be a little more filling? Right now I am eating a piece of fruit, or some yogurt, or a nature valley granola bar.

Thank you again to everyone who e-mailed me or left a comment with helpful suggestions. There was good information to be had. I am glad that we can all tackle this together. God Bless you all!!!

Just Can't Get Enough

Okay...so no deep thoughts today. God has done a lot of moving in my heart today but I'll have to mull it over before I can share it with you. I want to thank all of you that have responded to the blog in the past few days by posting comments or e-mailing me personally. It has been very encouraging!!!

So I am experiencing a problem with my diet that I never thought I would have. I am having a hard time eating enough food. I know I know..that is a silly thing to complain about but I am really struggling. Your body requires so many calories to just live. I set my calories at 1900 because that seemed like a lot. I am not sure that it is high enough but even at that I am having a hard time getting to 1900. I am eating 3 meals a day and having something like 8 snacks but I am still hungry. I think this is a good thing because I haven't really felt hungry in a very long time. I am learning to listen to my body and feed it when it's hungry but a girl can only eat so many times a day. GEESH!!. So I have decided that it is portions. I have been trying to follow the recommended serving size on the label which for "normal" people would be enough food but not for someone my size. Hey..it takes a lot of energy to heft this weight around. So I have decided that I need to increase my portion sizes so that the meal energy lasts longer and then I won't need as many snacks along the way. I'll let you know how that works out for me.

I have been blessed so far that I haven't had any wild cravings but I know when they hit, I just need to eat a small portion to satiate the craving and then get on with it. I had Greek Chicken Pasta for lunch today. You can find it on Allrecipes.com. Have I mentioned that I love that site. If anyone else knows of a good recipe site, please let us know. We need all the help we can get.

I pray that those of you who are on a weight loss journey stay encouraged tomorrow. WE CAN DO THIS!!! WE ARE WORTH IT!!!

Getting Down to the Roots

Before I get to the "meat" of my thoughts for the day I would like to do my Monday weight loss update. We are all 4 doing an incredible job. I am proud of us!!

Holly - 1.98% weight loss - BIGGEST LOSER
Leanna - 1.44% weight loss
Molly- 1.91% weight loss
Chris- .94% weight loss

Keep in mind that we have only been going since January 1 so I am so thankful to God that we have been successful.

As I mentioned in a previous post- God is working on the inside of me. I pray that as God works in me that I might speak His truth into this blog so that others may benefit. I promise that not all of the posts will be heavy material but I feel like God is calling me to share my struggle. I believe it is His desire to turn all things for good- even my weight loss struggle.

I have been battling weight issues since 6th grade. I am fairly certain that the weight gain originally came about due to abuse I experienced as a child. I have worked through a lot of baggage that came with my childhood but I can't help but think that there are deep roots that I need to get to in order to fully heal. I was listening to a Beth Moore CD on my way to work the other morning and she said something that struck me to the core. You all know what I'm talking about..those things that you hear that you KNOW are from God and you can almost see Him nodding his head whispering "yep ..that was for you". She said that scars don't hurt. A lot of us walk around talking about the scars that we have on our hearts from all of the horribly hurtful things that have happened to us. We feel like we've worked through them and dealt with them and now they are just scars on our hearts. SCARS DON'T HURT. If thoughts of your childhood are hurtful or when a certain person's name is mentioned it brings an ache to your heart, then it is NOT a scar- it is a wound. Wounds can only heal if they are washed clean and God is the only one who can do it. It makes me think back to times in my childhood where I cut my finger or scraped my knee. My Mom would want to pour stuff into my wounds to wash it out. I hated it. I winced and pulled away and sometimes I dreaded it so much that I would make a choice not to tell my Mom about my cut. I would rather face infection and amputation (as this is what I was assured would happen if my wound wasn't washed out) then to have that stuff poured into my wounds. That's how I feel about my heart wounds sometimes. I know that only God can wash them clean but it HURTS. I still wince and pull away and then I make a choice not to surrender the wounds to the only one who can heal them. I am learning though that the infection (the bad self thoughts) and the amputation (my separation from God) aren't worth it. As much as it hurts- turning the wounds over to God is my only hope for total healing. I am so thankful that I have an understanding God who knows my fears. He knows I want my wounds cleaned but I'm scared. He doesn't get angry when I pull away. He just waits patiently (loving me all the while) for me to come back to Him. What an awesome loving God I serve!!!!

I pray that if you have any open wounds (even if you just thought they were scars) that you let God wash them clean. Thank you for letting me share my heart today and for those of you who care- I LOVE MY NEW COOKWARE!!! God Bless!!