Pray For Real Upon Your Knees - Until They Blister

So my friend Mandy shared a song with me the other day and it wrecked me. It was so convicting and spoke to so many things that God was already putting on my heart.  It was so good,  that I thought I would write a blog post about it.  The song is called "Clear The Stage" by Jimmy Needham.  You can listen to it by clicking here.

There is a verse in the song that reads:

Take a break from all the plans that you have made
And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper
Beg him please to open up His mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister.

I think about the things that God is putting on my heart.  I have been praying and seeking direction from Him on what the next steps in my career/life look like.  I talk to Him in the morning while I'm drinking my coffee and playing Hay Day.  I talk to Him while I'm driving in my car.  I talk to Him while I'm watching TV.  I talk to Him while I'm scrolling through Facebook. I know the power of prayer. I know that we should pray without ceasing.  I have been so frustrated because I feel like I'm not hearing Him.  He is giving me little bits and pieces but I desperately want clarity and confirmation.

God spoke to my heart today and asked me when the last time was, that I made room in my life for only Him.  No distractions!!  No TV, radio, computer, dogs, people...just HIM.  When was the last time I prayed for real upon my knees??  I want so desperately to hear Him but I refuse to stop and listen.  Why??  Am I afraid of what He might ask of me?  Am I afraid that this next thing might be harder than the last thing?  The last time He gave me the clarity that I so desperately seek, wasn't easy.  Picking up everything I owned, and leaving those that I love most for a job that was soul-crushing wasn't what I had in mind when He said go.  What if next time, He asks me to do something even harder?

What if He doesn't?

What if the hard times that He has had me walking through, for what seems like forever, has all been preparing me for such a time as this?  What if His plans are to give me the desires of my heart? There is another line in the song that says, "Anything that I put, before my God, is an idol."  The FEAR that I am allowing in my life and putting above hearing from Him is an idol.  So I am putting it out in the open...and letting His light shine on it.  Now, I'm off to pray, for real, upon my knees.

He Can Never Love Me More

I  heard numerous times in my life that nothing I could ever do could make Jesus love me less.  It took me a long time to receive that truth in my heart.  I was always striving to be all that I believed God wanted me to be and more.  Since I was the one doing the striving, instead of letting God shape and mold me into who He wanted me to be, I often got it completely wrong.  God has had to correct my path on more than one occasion.

So, the lesson is to quit trying to do things under your own power, even if they look like something God would want you to be doing.  Ask Him what He would have you do and then take a step in that direction.

Having said that, I wanted to share something I read recently.  I don't remember which book, as I've had a lot of down time to read, but it was so good that I've been mulling it over for quite some time.  If there is nothing I could do that would make God love me less, wouldn't it also be true that there is nothing that I could do that would make Him love me more?  That is such a freeing thought to have.

I seek God's will in my life and pray for His guidance and direction.  When I feel like I've heard Him, I will start taking steps in the direction He has guided me.  Then, fear sets in.  I will start doubting that I am doing "it" right or doubting that the actions I am taking even matter.  I want so desperately to please God with my actions that I let the fear of screwing it up get in the way of doing it.  If I can remember that God won't love me any more if I get it right, I release myself from the fear of getting it wrong.  I don't have to try so hard.  I don't have worry if I am enough.  I simply get to rest in His love for me and trust in His promises. That doesn't mean that I don't have to keep seeking, and praying, and moving, and stretching, and growing.  I just don't have to strive for more of His love.

May we be those who are obedient to do what God has asked of us because we love Him, not so He will love us more.

We ALL Need A Love Like That

I have become a huge fan of Jen Hatmaker over the last several years.  She is one of the most caring, authentic, and sincere people when it comes to writing and speaking about Jesus.  The first video I ever watched was from the first If Gathering.  She was talking about Christians treating the gospel as something to defend and it resonated with me.    Her and her husband started the Legacy Collective which I am proud to invest in.  We focus on funding initiatives that partner with others who are providing sustainable solutions to systemic social issues.  I'll write more about Legacy Collective soon.  I had the opportunity to meet both of them at the Legacy Collective launch party and I was impressed with how gracious they both were.  My point is that Jen Hatmaker is a person of influence who is using her influence to make a tangible difference.

Jen recently wrote a post on her Facebook wall about an experience that she had after speaking at an event.  The woman had said she had waited her whole life to hear someone in the church say the words that Jen had spoken.  Jen said, "One thing I said was that it is high time Christians opened wide their arms, wide their churches, wide their tables, wide their homes to the LGBT community. So great has our condemnation and exclusion been, that gay Christian teens are SEVEN TIMES more likely to commit suicide."  Jen went on to say, "Nope. No. No ma'am. Not on my watch. No more. This is so far outside the gospel of Jesus that I don't even recognize its reflection. I can't. I won't. I refuse."

I finished reading Jen's post and then continued to read the comments of others..  As of right now there are 1,758 comments on this particular post.  I found  that I was getting extremely upset at some of the comments.  I think part of the reason why is because the writers of some of those comments must have always known Jesus or have forgotten what life was like before Him.  

I think the reason that everyone's comments are making me so upset is because I remember my life before Jesus.  I remember when I thought I was all alone in this world.  I remember when everyone was telling me about all of the sins I was committing and all of the repenting that I needed to be doing.  I remember how it made me feel like I was under attack and how I was considered "less than" the Christian doing the talking.  One particular comment on Jen's post hit me hard.  It said, "...We are all sinners who need Jesus, but we must first repent or confess, then turn away and lead a life of righteousness."   Listen friends...if I would've had to repent and confess before I could've known the love of Jesus...I would be dead by now.  It is the "BUT WE MUST FIRST" in the comment that is so heart breaking to me.  There is no "BUT YOU MUST FIRST" before Jesus will love you.  There is no "BUT YOU MUST FIRST" before you can commit your life to God. Trust me, once you know the love of Jesus, it will change you for the better.  God will ask you to give up things that keep you away from Him, but you will be so head over heels in love with Him that you will surrender what He asks.  He asks different things from different people as each of us have our own things that keep us from Him.  

I used to wear a t-shirt that said "Religion never saved anyone" on the front.  I can't tell you how many people would stop me in a store to attempt to argue with me.  They would screw their face all up and get angry and just as they were about to start telling me all the reasons I was wrong, I would turn my back to them.  The back of my shirt said, "Jesus Saves".  They really couldn't argue with that.  I didn't buy the shirt to cause any issues, I just really believed in its message.  "Religion" almost kept me away from Jesus.  

I remember all of the people who were pointing out what they perceived to be my sins instead of pointing me to Jesus.  Had I known that a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus was possible - I sure would have run to Him much faster - not because I needed to be absolved of my sin, but because I needed to be loved like that. As I mentioned in a previous post, God works out salvation in each person differently.  Let us be those who are known for drawing people nearer to Jesus and not pushing them farther away.  

Just Enough to Keep Going

First of all.....I GOT MY BLOG BACK!!   I am so happy, I can hardly stand it.  There were things about the other blog that I really liked but one thing I didn't like was that people couldn't just sign up to get an email whenever I posted.  I will try to move the things I wrote on the new platform back over here so if you get bombarded with e-mails, I'm sorry (not sorry).  A huge thanks to a friend who went above and beyond to help me get my access back.  He knows who he is.

I just returned from an amazing week on the beach.  We were blessed to rent a condo last year and went ahead and booked it again for the same week this year.  When life is crazy and everything seems to be uncertain, there is something soul healing about having a no-agenda vacation with just God and the waves.  The first day was pretty frustrating as we walked along the beach.  I would see beautiful shells but couldn't bend down to pick them up.  I am still on no bending, twisting, or lifting restriction for another month or so.  Leanna got me hooked up on day two and made sure that I had my shell scoop with me at all times.  She also willingly carried the beach bag, chairs, umbrella, and everything else that was needed for our days in the sun.

As I am still recovering from spine surgery, I would get worn out pretty easily.  There was one moment where I had been shell hunting in one particular spot for a while.  We were looking for one particular type of spiral shell and we weren't finding them very fast.  I was getting tired and kept thinking about quitting and going to sit down but every time I would start thinking this way, I would find a few spirals in my scoop.  I would pull the spirals out of the scoop full of broken shells and then put my scoop back in for more.  I would then go on a stretch of not finding any.  As soon as I felt like giving up again, more spirals would appear.  I thought to myself, these spiral shells keep coming just when I have decided to go sit down.  In that moment, I could hear the Lord whisper to my spirit, "And so it shall be with Me too."  He made it clear to me that no matter what He calls me to do - no matter how tired or frustrated I become- He will give me just enough to keep going.  I just have to be willing to keep dipping into the Water.

I don't know about you but I have a history of pulling away from God when things start getting rough. I get caught up in the emotion and stress of it all.  Don't get me wrong, I know that He is the source of all that I need but I start to lose faith.  If I'm honest, I start to think that I'm not worthy of Him.   I don't spend as much time in that frame of mind as I used to as I've learned that this is exactly what the devil wants.  He wants me to get caught up in the circumstances of my life.  The devil doesn't want me spending time in the Word, or spending time in prayer.  He doesn't want my spirit to be reminded of all that God promises for my life.

When we are exhausted and frustrated, may we be those who will continue to keep dipping into the Living Water who will refresh our soul and give us just enough hope to keep going.