I just had the most amazing weekend. I have so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I want to share about this past weekend but some of that is going to have to wait. First of all, I need to process. Second...it's just too much.
I did want to take a minute to share a story that some of you may not know. The reason I am going to share it is because Pam told me to. Pam is a new Legacy Collective friend that I met this past weekend. We were touring Community First Village (which will need a whole blog post of its own), and we came upon another couple looking at one of the canvas houses. Pam and Dr. Pam (or Tom..but you know...whatever) and Leanna and I struck up a conversation about the homeless population. We talked about how there are so many assumptions that are made about the homeless population. How a lot of Americans assume that drug addiction is the reason everyone is homeless.
Then for some crazy reason...I decided to share about the season of my life that I lived on the streets.
When I was 19-20ish, There was a short period of time where I was homeless. In an attempt to run from the hurts and pains of my past, I had turned to alcohol. I wanted to live life as numb as I could. I was struggling to maintain my sanity. I was full of anger at the world and I felt lost. I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere which meant I was making bad decisions and hanging out with other people who were full of anger and felt lost.
I had been living in an apartment with a co-worker who was taking the rent money and paying her car payment instead and eventually we lost our apartment. I began bouncing from friend's couch to friend's couch. Never really staying anywhere too long. I couldn't stand being around people but I also couldn't stand to be alone. It was a pretty tough time. Eventually, my friends were tired of me sleeping on their couches and spending any money I had on alcohol. Before too long...I had nothing left but my car.
I had a few friends who needed rides from time to time so I would trade rides to work for a hot shower or a pack of cigarettes. Some would let me park in their parents' driveway for the night so I would have a safe place to put my seat back and rest. I eventually discovered that the Denny's parking lot was a super safe place to park at night. They were open 24 hours and the parking lot was well lit. My brother and his girlfriend both worked there. Just to be clear, they had no clue that I was homeless. I was too embarrassed to tell them. Anyway....it gets SUPER COLD in Kansas City in the dead of winter. I would pull into the Denny's parking lot about midnight and run the heater on full blast to get the car as warm as possible. Then I would shut off the car, to conserve gas, and crawl into the hatchback and go to sleep. When I woke up cold, I would climb in the front and warm the car up again. I had been doing this for quite a few weeks. Every night, warm up the car, sleep, warm up the car, sleep.
One night, I was in the back of the car sound asleep when someone started pounding on the window. I was terrified. When I opened my eyes, the Denny's Manager was telling me to get out of the car. I was so sure that he was going to tell me that I had to leave. He just smiled at me and said, "It is entirely too cold for you to be out here. Please come inside." I followed him inside and he took me through the restaurant to the banquet area in the back room. He let me know that the booths were really comfortable and that I should lay down and get some rest. He would shut the door to the banquet room and no one would know I was in there. I half-slept that night, listening to every noise, thinking that someone was going to find me in there and wonder what I was doing. About 6am, he came into the room and brought me some hot chocolate, pancakes, and bacon. He said that I needed to be out by 6:30 before the day shift came in but I was welcome back at midnight on any night that he worked.
I only needed that room for a few more weeks. This man ended up giving me a job at Denny's and I eventually asked my brother if I could stay with him for a while while I got back on my feet. I don't remember his name, but I will never ever forget his kindness.
This man taking the time to let me know that I mattered, changed something deep inside of me. Did his actions heal the brokenness in my spirit? No...I would find out later that I would need Jesus for that. I believe that the manager probably didn't think much of what he did for me. It was just in his character to love on people.
So here I was, standing at the door of this canvas house sharing this story with my new friend Pam. Standing there as a person that God had redeemed. Standing there as living proof that sometimes all someone needs is to know that they matter and that there are people that are FOR them. Standing there feeling overwhelmed with the knowledge that God has made beauty from the ashes of my life and provided a way for me to pour that love back into the world. Pam told me, "You need to share this story today and share it a lot". I didn't get the opportunity to share it again on Saturday but here it is. The manager could have easily asked me to leave the property, but instead, he let me know that he was FOR me. May we be those who are FOR and not against those who just need to know that they matter. I will leave you with this song from Jason Gray - If You Want To Love Someone.
