Nevertheless

Do you know what is really hard to do sometimes??  Getting really honest with the Lord.  I think that all too often we treat God like a Father that we don't want to disappoint.  I don't think that is what He really wants.  We should look at Him like an unconditional Father who will love us no matter what.  (I know that is really hard for some of us that didn't have the best Father figures.)  Time and time again, God asks me to do some pretty tough stuff.  He sometimes asks me to walk a path that makes absolutely no sense to me.  Sometimes that tough stuff is necessary so that He can use it to mold me into who HE wants me to be.  Sometimes I've found that I've got to walk through some tough stuff because someone I know and love is going to walk through that same tough stuff down the road and is going to need an understanding friend.  Sometimes, God has me walk through some tough stuff because He needs to use me to help Him mold someone else into who He wants them to be.  My hearts desire is to willingly walk that path without resisting.  I am not really good at it. :)

Truth be told, I often don't want to walk that path at all.  Sometimes doing what God has called you to do, hurts...A LOT!    I try to put on a good front and willingly go where He is leading me..but really that is what it is...a front.  I am trying to fake it until I feel it.  Truth me told, sometimes my heart just isn't in it.  Because God loves me, He will gently keep asking me to do His will.  He won't force it on me...even when I fight it.  He will send people, magazine articles, devotionals, and worship songs into my life to keep confirming what He is asking for me.  He knows me...He knows that I will always look for a way to pretend like I am not hearing Him.  I'm only human :)

I was talking about this topic in small group setting once and a guy turned to me and asked me if I was proud of the fact that I fight doing God's will.  It wasn't really convicting..it is an attempt to be condemning.  Well there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Jesus :)  My reluctance isn't something I'm proud of...it's just reality.  It's a human response and my ability to talk about those feelings is not pride..but transparency.  I know I can't be the only one who struggles.  What I am learning though...is that if I just get honest with God...He can use my fear and doubt and unwillingness.  I am learning to just take my frustrations to the Lord in a very honest way.  "God, I know that you are asking me to bring change into my new work environment but I don't really want to. I really want, just once, to have a job that is peaceful that is not mentally and emotionally demanding.  God, when is it my turn to have some rest?  When is it my turn to play a supporting role in change instead of trying to lead the way?"   It is amazing how, when I take these true feelings to the Lord, He calms my spirit.  He reassures me that it is okay to feel that way.  He acknowledges my feelings and promises me again that I won't be walking the path alone.  He helps me to live in the "nevertheless".  Even Jesus said to the Lord, "Father, if you be willing, remove this cup from me"  He didn't want to die on the cross...but Jesus lived in the 'nevertheless'.  He said, "nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.

If God is asking you to walk a difficult path, I would encourage you to tell Him how you feel so that He can help you get to a place of "nevertheless".