I feel like this picture sums up my relationship with God over the past several years. You see, I gave my life to Christ back in 1998. I started reading my bible, and studying His word. I started doing "Christian" things. I stopped doing all of the things that Christians don't do. I started "acting" like a Christian.
From that moment on, God has been in a relentless pursuit to have all of me. In between 2006 and 2009, God used some amazing people in my church to help me begin to see that there was a HUGE difference between giving my life to God and inviting Him into mine. I no longer wanted to "act" like a Christian, I wanted to be one. I wanted a deeper relationship with Christ. I began to seek God's will in every aspect of my day to day life.
I have learned that seeking God's will is pretty easy to do when God is busy blessing your face off. When He is orchestrating every move of your career and shooting you up the corporate ladder so fast that it's like you have a jet pack strapped to your back. It is pretty easy to seek God's will when God is blessing you with deep friendships that speak life to you. It is pretty easy when you have all of the money you need to live a comfortable life. When giving to those in need costs you nothing.
In relation to the picture above, it was like God had already given me the giant teddy bear. For the past few years, it has felt like the picture above is backwards. It has felt like God is trying to take away my big teddy bear and give me something less. It totally makes sense that it would feel that way. God asked me to give up the corporate life, and showed me the job He had for me. I am now in a job making less than I was making right out of high school.
I think one of the reasons that the picture has felt backwards is because I haven't willingly given Him any of it. He began showing me several years ago, even before moving to Florida, that the corporate life was never going to satisfy my soul. He asked me to give it up. He said, "Just trust me." I said, "But I love it, God. I love feeling important. I love traveling around the world. I love having enough money to do whatever I want." So, He let me keep my little teddy bear....for a while. Until it almost destroyed me.....and then God, very gently, pried that teddy bear right out of my hands by way of a layoff. God really does know us well. Not only did I get laid off but I got laid off right before a spine surgery with a three month recovery period. This took away any chance I had to jump right back into a corporate job. It provided the time that He was going to need to work on my heart, and my pride.
God simply refused to let me hang on to the things that I thought I wanted. It would have been so much easier if I would've just given it to Him but I just couldn't. I didn't trust that what He had planned for me was going to be so much better. I didn't have the faith to see the HUGE teddy bear behind His back. The truth is, I still can't see it...but I know it's there. I am learning to trust Him. I am learning that He loves me. I am learning that He can see much more than I can from where I'm standing.
Is there something in your life that God is asking you to hand to Him? Is there a job He is asking you to leave? Is there a friendship He is asking you to lay down at His feet? Is there a resentment that you are clinging to? Is there a hurt you won't give Him? Whatever it is friend, please trust Him with it. He has better things in store for you.
After all, He sees the whole parade. (song by Go Fish)
