We have all seen or heard it, more so now than ever. It comes in several iterations but the most common are these two. "We can disagree with each other and still love each other." or "We can disagree with each other and still be kind."
While in theory, this sentiment is true, I think the problem comes in when someone doesn't understand that that there is a difference between disagreement and rejection. We all disagree on a lot of things. Some of those disagreements are easy to navigate. My friends give me hard time because I don't like fried chicken, seafood, or watermelon. I disagree that these are yummy foods. However, I don't mind if they eat those things. I don't even mind if they eat them around me. My only exception is that I do not allow seafood (of any kind) to be cooked in my house...because it stinks (I'm looking at you Josh.) That's my right. It's MY house.
I could never get to the point of liking some popular shows/movies like Yellowstone, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones or any of the Lord of the Rings movies. I disagree that these are enjoyable to watch. I am quite happy if anyone else wants to watch them and heck...if I like you enough... I'll even watch it with you, if you ask me too.
Some disagreements are a little harder to navigate. What with this being pride month and all, you can probably imagine that there are a LOT of people who disagree with my right to love another woman. To be able to marry her. To hold her hand while I'm walking into church. To hold her hand on the street. To talk about her to others. There are some people who believe that it is an abomination and against God's will for my life. Here's the thing...I'm not even mad that we disagree. I have a lot of people that I dearly love who disagree with me on this very hard topic. I still love them. I still interact with them. I still enjoy their company. There are others who disagree where I have had to choose to protect myself from them. You might be asking, what's different?
To me, a disagreement while being kind looks like, "I believe that being a homosexual is a sin but that is between you and God. We don't have to agree on that. I think you are incredible as a person and I love you and support you just as you are."
Rejection looks like, "I believe that being a homosexual is a sin. Since I believe that it's a sin, I must reject all parts of you that reflect that sin. I must ask you not to bring your girlfriend around me. I must ask you to not talk about your girlfriend and the life that you are sharing. I must ask you to leave our prayer group because you don't pray like we do. I must support politicians who make it okay to discriminate against your right to be you. I must make sure that NO religious institutions might provide a place for you to worship and serve God just as you are."
I keep hearing all the time lately about how the LGBTQIA+ community is aggressively pushing their agenda, and there might be some that are, but there are many more of us who are doing our very best to live a good life and to be kind to people. We aren't necessarily proud to be gay but we damn sure aren't ashamed of it either.
What most of us want is the right to be ourselves. To be left alone. To be treated the same as anyone else. We want to be able to sit in a restaurant and hold hands with the person we love without getting a side eye from anyone. We want to be able to live without fear of being kicked out of our housing because our city has made it legal for our landlords to do so, for no other reason than because of who we love. We want our kids to feel safe in school and feel like they can talk about their parents without getting bullied or shunned. We want our kids to grow up in a generation where they don't have to pretend to be someone they're not for 20 years just to keep from being cast aside. We want to be heard and believed. We don't want our pain to be called propaganda.
Then there is the church. I don't need to go to a church that has a big rainbow banner flying in front of it. I would prefer to go to a church where you don't really know who in the congregation is straight and who is gay because it doesn't really matter. I want to walk with my girlfriend into a church on worship night and sit in the front row without having the pastors scrambling to make up lies as to why they need to move us, lest anyone think they condone it. Apparently it doesn't matter that out of respect for their beliefs, I had told my girlfriend that I wouldn't walk in holding hands. (I'm looking at you Restoration Place, Tallahassee).
All I ask...is that you consider how your actions affect your LGBTQIA+ friends and neighbors. Ask yourself if it's really a disagreement or are you rejecting the parts of them that are different? It's okay if you don't fight for my rights, just don't actively fight against them...and if you do....you have to be okay when I shut the door that allows you access to me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I will never again hide or change part of myself to fit in. If I don't belong just as I am...I'm out.
