Towards the end of last year, my friend Anna was celebrating the anniversary of the finishing of her book. I told her that in honor of her, I would start writing mine. According to Anna, to officially start a book, you need to save a Word Doc with a working title and at least 3 sentences. I wrote 700 words. Then not another word after it until the end of May. That's when I realized that the only thing holding me back was fear.
God has shown me a glimpse of the path ahead for me and a lot of His plan relies on me begin obedient and writing this book. I prayed about it, I cried about it. I realized that I was just scared. So I leaned on the battle plan that my friend Andrea had helped me to put into place. I increased my quiet time with the Lord and I reached out to my prayer warriors and asked them to storm the gates on my behalf.
With that, I was able to move forward. There have been a few hiccups along the way where my attempt to put words to things caused me some emotional distress. It is one thing to share the story with a trusted friend and it is a whole other thing to write it in such a way that the reader feels like they are right there in the room with you. More than anything, writing has been incredibly healing for me.
God has been with me through every word. Friday morning, I was writing about the moment in 5th grade when the seed was planted in my heart that if God was truly a God who loved me, He would protect me. Since He wasn't protecting me, He must not love me. If God IS love and He wasn't loving me with His protection, than I must not be lovable.
While I was writing, trying to put into words exactly what it felt like at that moment to my 10 year old self, I began to weep. God was showing me the exact moment when that thought that has plagued me my entire life was planted into my heart. As I was crying, I could feel the Lord whispering over me, I was right there, I was right there, I was right there. I know you couldn't see me in the midst of the pain Holly, but I never left you, I was right there.
I finished writing the paragraph and I hit save as it was time for me to clock in for work. I closed the file and at that moment, I received a text from a dear friend of mine who lives 1300 miles away. The text was a link to a sermon that she had just watched that she thought I needed to listen to. You guys....when I saw the title of the sermon, the tears came again. The Sermon was titled, "It's Not What It Looks Like: He's With You Always." God is so incredibly good to love us the way He does.
People keep asking me what's going to happen next. Will I self-publish my book or will I try to find a publisher? Honestly, I've tried not to think too much about it. I've been learning over the past few years not to try to finish God's sentences. I am trying to focus on the next right thing that God has asked me to do, knowing that He will make the connections for His will to be carried out. No matter what that looks like.
When I was back home, I talked to some friends about how I had asked God why it seemed like every time that I thought I could see the finish line, He moved the target. God had let me know that it was because He didn't want me to be striving towards a goal instead of living for today. My friend Jennie piped up and said, "I don't think we are meant to know where the finish line is, we are just supposed to run the best possible race." As I finish out the next 25,000 words, my prayer is that
