When I walked into Angie's hospital room, I was shocked to see her. Even though Jean had warned me that she wasn't going to look or sound like my Angie, I couldn't get over how different she looked. I think the thing that made it so shocking is that Angie is one of the people that I always tried to see on my trips home. We hadn't been able to catch up when I was back in October but we had shared a "Girl's Night Out" meal when I was back in June. So it isn't like I hadn't seen her in a long time.
I looked at my sweet friend and said, "What in the world Ang?" She started to tell me about how she had been diagnosed with breast cancer last January and I was like "Wait, stop.....what?!?!? So this means that you were already battling cancer when I saw you???" She admitted that she was already sick and just didn't tell anyone. She didn't want to burden anyone with worrying about her. I about came unhinged. I told her that I could've been praying. I was so frustrated that she had chosen not to share it with us. We lost Angie on Friday and now I keep thinking "if I had only known."
This is not the same kind of "if I had only known" that I felt when my brother was taken so suddenly from me. You know the one. I would have told him I loved him more. I would have spent more time with him. I wouldn't have said some of the things I said to him. I would have hugged him one last time. The truth is, my brother's death taught me to prioritize those things already. Angie knew how amazing I thought she was. Angie knew that she was someone who mattered in my life. I squeezed Angie extra tight and told her how much I loved her every time we got the chance to catch up.
If I had only known what Angie was going through, I could have sent her funny cards in the mail to make her laugh. I could have sent her encouraging texts to let her know that she wasn't fighting the battle alone. I could've had an army of prayer warriors storming the gates on her behalf. I could've sent flowers from time to time just to make her smile. I could've made her a CD of songs that might lift her spirits. If I had only known, there would have been any number of things that I could've done to make the walk just a little bit easier or lighter for her and it would have been my honor and privilege to do it.
I can't begin to tell you how many times someone has said to me, "I didn't want to bother you with it because I know you have so much going on." What I want everyone to understand is that sharing your burden with me doesn't add to my load, it just makes it lighter for you. Sharing your burden with me helps me to fix my focus on something other than my own struggles. Sharing your burden with me, gives me the opportunity to do exactly what God has created me to do, to pour His love out on you. Please don't deny me the chance.
