Men need encouragement too

This topic came up while I was talking with a dear friend of mine the other night and it keeps coming up, so I thought I'd share my thoughts.  You're welcome :)  

We were discussing about the difference in the way that men and women are both handled by the church community.  When the women of DC get together, it is a time of fellowship and sharing.  One of our favorite things to do is to share "Your story of His Glory".  We talk about some of the rough roads we've walked and how God showed up.  We get to share the amazing truth of God's grace and love.  We talk about how it really is okay to be feeling some of the things that you are feeling and we talk about how to take those feelings to the Lord.  We spend a lot of time encouraging one another that we are doing okay on the road we are walking on, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't take your eyes off Jesus.  When Mother's day rolls around, the women get a great message about what amazing mothers they are and they get encouragement to keep the faith.

My friend and I were talking about how different it is for the men.  Now...neither one of us are men so we can only go by what we hear,  but even from the things we can see...we know that it is different. I wonder how the men's retreat compares to the women's. Do they form the same types of bonds that the women do.  Do they leave feeling encouraged or like they don't measure up.   If there are men reading my blog, I would love your comments on this subject.  I know that on Father's day, there is rarely a warm fuzzy message about what amazing fathers they are.  There is often guidance and correction.  The dads get a laundry list of things they should do better.  I wonder how it makes some dads feel.  What if Dad is giving it 110% at home?  What if he is truly the head of the household, and he is wearing himself out providing for his family? Where is his encouragement?

Yesterday, I was driving home for a quick new puppy potty break and I heard something on the radio that irritated me.  I listen to a local Christian station that covers all of Central Florida.  They always have some little snippets of someone giving advice.  This guy comes on and starts telling the husbands that they need to try harder.  That a husband should try to hug his wife five times this week, he should compliment her at least five times, he should talk her up in front of his kids. and he should ask her every day what he can do for her.  I think these are all fine and good ideas and would be beneficial to a marriage but it got me thinking.  How many times I have heard this type of message?  The answer is A LOT.  How many times have I heard this type of message directed at wives?  I can't think of one time.  Isn't it equally important for a wife to hug her husband, talk him up in front of the kids, and ask what she can do for him?  I know that men and women are  different creatures with how they process feelings and emotions, but men need encouragement too.  Just sayin'

Halupki

Last night for dinner, we had Halupki.  Okay, it wasn't a true halupki but more like a deconstructed version of it.  I had never made it before but I think it turned out pretty good.  I'm not really here to talk about my dinner, I am here to talk about the faces and memories that kept going through my mind as I was making the halupki.

 These are the sweet faces of Rich and Rosie Solar.  The summer before my Senior year in high school, my Mom got a job offer in Green Bay, WI.  She asked if I wanted to relocate with her but I really wanted to finish out high school with my friends.  My Mom put the house on the market and I began looking for a place to stay.  I was able to stay home for a few months while the house was waiting to sell, (I know Mom, if I would've kept it clean, it would've sold faster and for more money :)

When the house finally sold, one of my best friends Lori convinced these beautiful people (her parents) to let me come live with them until I graduated.  They welcomed me with open arms.  Mom sent them some money every month to help with my expenses but they never treated me like a boarder.  The treated me like part of the family.  I was sharing with Leanna last night about how Rosie would make halupki (kinda like a cabbage roll) and I didn't like cabbage, so I would always unroll the cabbage and eat the meat out of the middle.  I am happy to report that my tastes have grown up with me and my halupki had cabbage with it last night :)

I have so many fond memories of my time with this family.  If I remember correctly, they had five kids but I only grew close to the sisters.  Lori graciously shared Bonnie and Cathy with me and they became like the big sisters that I never had.  They were full of fun, adventure, and advice.  I remember sitting around the kitchen table playing cards.  I remember what a celebration Easter was.  I remember going to the Catholic church with them...even though I wasn't really feeling God at the time, seeds were planted.  I remember Rich and Rosie's deep love for one another.  How they laughed together all of the time. I remember helping Rich when he coached Matt's (Cathy's son) little league baseball team.  More than anything, I remember an overwhelming sense of feeling like I belonged.

These beautiful faces didn't have to love me the way that they did but their love had an impact on me that stays with me to this day.  They poured into me...and they made me clean my room.  When I left their house after graduation, I was an angry teenager who was mad at the world.  I never took the time to let them know how much I had appreciated them.  It is a regret that I lived with for a lot of years.  We lost Rich last year to Leukemia.  When I got the news, I was heartbroken for this family.  I was blessed to be in town to pay my respects to the family.  We had grown apart over the years but when I showed up at the visitation, Rosie said, "There's my Holly".  It took me right back to all of those years ago.

Thank you Rich and Rosie for loving me..and teaching me how to shine His kind of light into the world.

Make Me Broken?

I was listening to the Sidewalk Prophets song "Keep Making Me" on my way in this morning.  I had the windows down and the radio up really loud.  I was singing my guts out (as I do when I'm by myself).  Suddenly, for every line of the song I would sing, I would hear God whispering back to me.  It went something like this:

Singing: Make me empty so I can be filled
God: "Is that really what you want, Holly? Do you really want me to empty you so I can fill you back up?"
Me: "Yes, I think so.  I mean, I'm pretty filled up with you now so a little emptying wouldn't hurt so much"

Singing: Make me lonely, So I can be Yours
God: "Do you really want to be lonely, Holly?  You've been feeling lonely lately, you don't seem to like it"
Me: "No, I don't really like it.  I don't like being lonely at all.  I really miss my friends and family and it's been pretty hard."

Singing: 'Til You are my one desire, 'Til You are my one true love, 'Til You are my breath, my everything, Lord, please keep making me"
God:  "Do you understand Holly?  If you really want me to change you into the person I need you to be, it's going to hurt but I'll be there.
Me: "But I'm never going to get there.  I am never going to get to the place where You are my everything.  I mean, I want to..but that's not realistic."
God: "I have already made you into more than you could have ever imagined.  I have used you in ways that you still don't know.  You are seeking perfection and setting expectations for what I'm doing in your life.  Just rest in who I am."


Now that I've had some time to reflect this morning, I feel like God is telling me to quit trying to help Him break me.  I know that sounds crazy but I want so desperately for Him to be all I need that I sometimes make it harder on myself.  I beat myself up because I didn't spend enough time praying this morning.  I got up an hour earlier than I needed to (If you know me at all, you know that I DON'T do mornings), so I could go sit on the back porch and read the Word and spend some quiet time with the Lord. Then when I got in the shower, I started kicking myself because I forgot to lift some needs up in prayer while I was out there.  I don't need to beat down and break myself.  I need to be confident and sure about who I am and whose I am.  If I beat myself up for not doing it the "right" way then my time with the Lord will become an act of obligation and not out of my heart's desire to be closer to Him.

I feel like this post is a bit rambling this morning, but I am trusting that God will make sense of it for whoever needs to read it.

My Backpack is Too Heavy

I wanted to take a minute and talk about something that has been troubling me and getting in the way of my peace for many years.  It is something that God has been working on me about for longer than I can remember.  I am guessing I am not the only one struggling with it.

The issue that is stealing my joy is the overwhelming need to talk about my problems.   If I feel like someone has done me wrong, I want to tell a lot of people about it.  At first, I thought it was a gossip issue, where I wanted to just talk about people.  My time at JUMP helped me to see that it is really just an unhealthy way that I try to deal with my hurt and frustration.  If I am hurt by someone, I have an overwhelming need to feel validated in that hurt.  I go to a friend and tell them what happened and how that person hurt me.  There is a part of me that needs my friend to agree that I have a right to feel hurt based on the actions of the other person.  It would be great if I could just get the offense off my chest and get on with life but it doesn't work that way for me.  Perhaps the next day, I run into another friend.  I have to bring the offense up again and ensure that this next friend also agrees that I had a right to feel hurt.

Let me tell you something, I may get the validation I am seeking, but in the meantime, my joy is being stolen right out from underneath me by the enemy.  You see, every time that I share that offense, the hurt comes right back.  It is like the person didn't just hurt me once, they hurt me four of five times.  The hurt travels around with me in my emotional backpack and as long as I feel like I need validation for my feelings, I have to carry it around with me.  That backpack gets awfully heavy.  That backpack doesn't just hold hurt, it holds anger and frustration too...all emotions that I feel the need to validate with others.

What I need to do...and what I'm working on...is to simply take my hurt, anger, frustration to the Lord and leave it there with Him.  He is strong enough to carry it, I am not.

Missing the Gift

Do you remember when you were younger and your parents asked you what you wanted for Christmas, or perhaps you made a list for Santa Claus?  Remember how there was sometimes that one special thing that you really,  REALLY wanted?  It was all you could think about, it consumed your thoughts.  How you hoped and prayed that just this once you would get what you asked for.  You hear whispering between your parents about how they want to get you something special.  Now you are convinced..this is the year that your dream comes true.  Christmas morning comes and you look under the tree and your heart starts to race with excitement.  There, under the tree, is a box that is the perfect shape and size to be your special gift.  You wait patiently as your family goes through their Christmas routine but all you can think about is getting to your gift.  The time comes, you almost can’t contain the excitement as you peel off the wrapping paper….and there under the paper…is a bag of socks.    You are so heartbroken…but you go on to open the other gifts..hoping and praying..thinking ..maybe your gift is in one of those boxes.  All that you can think about as you open each gift is how let down you feel that it isn’t the one that you really, REALLY wanted.  You may have received some really amazing things…maybe you got a beautiful necklace, or some clothes, or a gift card.  Maybe your brother or sister worked really hard to make you a homemade gift to make you feel special but all you can think about is that one special gift that you didn't get. 

Do you think that we ever get that way with God?  Do you think that we ever ask for what we want and then get disappointed when we don't get it?  Do you think that we ever overlook the incredible gifts that God has given us, simply because we didn't get the one thing we really wanted?  What if the gift we actually receive is something that it wouldn't have occurred to us to ask for?  What if it is SO much better than what we originally asked for....and we miss out on the excitement and thankfulness for such a wonderful gift because we can't see past the fact that we didn't get what we wanted.

May we be those who stop focusing on the things we think we want and start focusing on the amazing gifts that we are already receiving on a daily basis.