Obedience- That's a hard one

When I was working at the security company, my job became pretty overwhelming.  I had been working the night shift for many years and it was beginning to take a toll on me.  I had moved through the ranks until I was a member of the management team and I loved the people that worked for me.  I had a desire to be a good leader and not just a good manager.  I ended up with a boss that shared a very different philosophy on how to build a team and run a company.  It became a daily source of frustration for me when it seemed that I could do nothing right in the eyes of my boss.  On most days, I would leave work with tears in my eyes, and cry out to God on the drive home.  "Lord, can you please release me from this place?"  Every time I asked, His answer was the same, "Go back and lead your people."  I would go back into work with a renewed spirit.  Over time, I would get beaten down again.  I would find myself crying out to God again, "Lord, pretty please can you release me from this place?  I know that it cannot be Your will for me to be this miserable."  His response was ALWAYS "Go back and lead your people."  Ugggh....really God....REALLY!!!

One day, I had to work all night and then I found out that I had to come back into the office during the day to attend a meeting.  The meeting was dreadful and the things that were being asked of us were ridiculous, not to mention I had only had four hours of sleep before the meeting.  On the way home that afternoon, I cried out to God.  "I can't do this anymore Lord, can I please work somewhere else??"   This time He replied, "You are free to go."  I went home, still in tears from the frustration of the meeting.  I told Leanna that I couldn't work there anymore and that maybe I would call my friend Kelly who had left to work for another company to see if she had any openings.  I left the house to take the boys to Scouts and on the drive there, my phone rang.  When I got to the Scout church, I listened to the message.  It was my sweet friend Meira, who happened to work for Kelly at this new place.  I kid you not, this was her exact message, "Hey Holly, It's Meira.  Kelly and I were wondering if you are sick of your job yet because we have an opening for a Customer Service Manager and it would be super awesome if you would come work with us."  Are you kidding me???  See..that's why I started that sentence off with "I kid you not" :)

Of course, tears streamed down my face as I listened to sweet Meira's voice, knowing that she had been an answer to prayer.  I called Meira that night to ask about the position and called Kelly the next day.  Seems easy enough right, I mean...they called me.  Wrong..because even when we know that it is God it is so hard for some of us to trust Him.  I called Kelly and the position sounded perfect but there was a problem.  The starting pay was several thousand below what I was making.  I couldn't take a pay cut, that's not how this is supposed to work.  I told Kelly about my concern.  She knew me well enough to encourage me to pray about it.  I spent several days "discussing" it with God.  Arguing is more like it. 

 

Me: "God, I can't afford a pay cut."

God: "Holly, do you trust Me?"

Me:  "Yes, but I have bills to pay."

God:  "Holly, do you trust Me?"

Me:  "Yes, but You don't understand"

God: "Why don't You trust Me?  I had Meira call you, isn't that enough proof that I want you to take this job"

Me: "Okay fine, I'll take a pay cut but You are going to have to pay my bills"

Just being transparent here :)  God was trying to hand me a blessing and I was arguing with Him about it.  Geesh!!  Anyway...so I called Kelly and said that I could work with the salary.  She just started laughing.  Her exact words, "I just left my boss's office and she said that if I thought you were worth it, to go ahead and match your current salary."   No pay cut...Go God!!

Done deal right...nope...I was very stubborn back then.  Okay...more stubborn than I am now.  So Kelly and I started talking about what hours I was going to have to work.  She said that I would have to work 9:30am-6pm Mon-Fri.  I went on to explain to her about how that wasn't going to work because I had two ten year old boys at home and Leanna didn't get off work until 7:30pm and by the time either of us could get home, the boys would be alone for at least 3 hours by themselves.  It just wasn't going to work.   Kelly told me to pray about it.  This time, the conversation was a little shorter.

Me: "God, these hours won't work,  What am I supposed to do with this?"

God: "You are supposed to trust me."

Me: "I do, but who is going to take care of the boys?"

God: "Your "but" doesn't sound like you trust me."

Me: "Okay fine, but you have to find a way to take care of the boys."

Yup, that's me...still arguing with God even though He has now shown me twice that He is in control.  So I called Kelly and told her that I would take the job.  She starting laughing and said, "You know, I've been thinking.  I am currently working 7am-3:30pm and I HATE coming in early.  We just need coverage, so why don't you take the early shift and I'll take the late shift."  All I could do was smile. 

That is how I got the initial job at the company that catapulted me up the corporate ladder.  Several years later, I was sitting at a seaside restaurant in Brazil having lunch with a coworker.  Yes, Brazil.  How crazy is it that this job God dropped in my lap, that I argued with Him about, resulted in a job that allowed me to travel to Brazil...without paying for it :)    Sorry..back to the seaside restaurant.  So I am at this restaurant and my coworker asks me, "Have you always been so religious."  I explained that I am not really religious, I am just head over heels in love with Jesus. I went on to explain what Jesus looks like in my life.  He asked me how I knew that God was real.  I explained that I had once been homeless, living in a Denny's conference room and now I am sitting in a seaside restaurant in Brazil.  He asked me how I know that I didn't just get here from all of my hard work.  I explained to him that I knew who I was before Christ and then I explained the story above, about how God made it so clear to me that this was the company I was supposed to work for.  He said to me, "What makes you so special that God would have that kind of favor in your life.  There are other Christians that God doesn't hand jobs to."  I was hard pressed to respond at the time and to be honest, I can't remember what I said to him.  I really couldn't comprehend why God had been so good to me.

I mulled over that conversation for a long time after I flew home.  One day, God revealed the answer to my coworker's question to me.  He had blessed me with that job because I had been obedient.  I could have walked off that security job a thousand times and found the first job to come along just so I didn't have to be miserable.  I didn't though, I consistently chased after the will of God.  Every time He asked me to go back and lead my people, I did.  I left that company ten years ago, but I still have friends today that used to work for me back then. I lead the heck out of that team and loved on them the best I could.   When God released me and dropped the new job in my lap, I was so excited.  Then when I started getting the details, I was scared.  I could've allowed the devil to talk me out of it and lost the job due to my own stupid fears.  Instead, I took that fear to God and I let Him calm my heart and then I did what I felt He was asking me to do.  

Many times over since then, I've had to simply be obedient.  Even when it's scary, like leaving the Customer Service life to work in I.T.  Even when it hurts, like leaving everyone I know and love with two weeks notice to move 1200 miles away.  Even when it's awkward, like deciding to sell It Works.  Even when I  really really didn't want to, like forgiving my Dad who left me when I was a child.

 Now, hear my heart.  I am not saying that if things don't appear to be going your way, that you aren't being obedient.  God has a purpose and a plan for each of us.  It will never look the same for any of us.  Nor should we want it to.  I love that when I gather with my sister friends, we come from all walks of life, with a vast assortment of experiences.  We can draw strength from each other's experiences.  Your walk will look difference, but obedience is important.

I guess the thought for today is, what is God asking you to do?  Are you doing whatever "feels" right, or are you seeking God's will in the decisions you make?  I promise you that life is a whole lot better when you give the control to Him.  

Exodus 19:5 (NIV) Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession.