My Backpack is Too Heavy

I wanted to take a minute and talk about something that has been troubling me and getting in the way of my peace for many years.  It is something that God has been working on me about for longer than I can remember.  I am guessing I am not the only one struggling with it.

The issue that is stealing my joy is the overwhelming need to talk about my problems.   If I feel like someone has done me wrong, I want to tell a lot of people about it.  At first, I thought it was a gossip issue, where I wanted to just talk about people.  My time at JUMP helped me to see that it is really just an unhealthy way that I try to deal with my hurt and frustration.  If I am hurt by someone, I have an overwhelming need to feel validated in that hurt.  I go to a friend and tell them what happened and how that person hurt me.  There is a part of me that needs my friend to agree that I have a right to feel hurt based on the actions of the other person.  It would be great if I could just get the offense off my chest and get on with life but it doesn't work that way for me.  Perhaps the next day, I run into another friend.  I have to bring the offense up again and ensure that this next friend also agrees that I had a right to feel hurt.

Let me tell you something, I may get the validation I am seeking, but in the meantime, my joy is being stolen right out from underneath me by the enemy.  You see, every time that I share that offense, the hurt comes right back.  It is like the person didn't just hurt me once, they hurt me four of five times.  The hurt travels around with me in my emotional backpack and as long as I feel like I need validation for my feelings, I have to carry it around with me.  That backpack gets awfully heavy.  That backpack doesn't just hold hurt, it holds anger and frustration too...all emotions that I feel the need to validate with others.

What I need to do...and what I'm working on...is to simply take my hurt, anger, frustration to the Lord and leave it there with Him.  He is strong enough to carry it, I am not.

Missing the Gift

Do you remember when you were younger and your parents asked you what you wanted for Christmas, or perhaps you made a list for Santa Claus?  Remember how there was sometimes that one special thing that you really,  REALLY wanted?  It was all you could think about, it consumed your thoughts.  How you hoped and prayed that just this once you would get what you asked for.  You hear whispering between your parents about how they want to get you something special.  Now you are convinced..this is the year that your dream comes true.  Christmas morning comes and you look under the tree and your heart starts to race with excitement.  There, under the tree, is a box that is the perfect shape and size to be your special gift.  You wait patiently as your family goes through their Christmas routine but all you can think about is getting to your gift.  The time comes, you almost can’t contain the excitement as you peel off the wrapping paper….and there under the paper…is a bag of socks.    You are so heartbroken…but you go on to open the other gifts..hoping and praying..thinking ..maybe your gift is in one of those boxes.  All that you can think about as you open each gift is how let down you feel that it isn’t the one that you really, REALLY wanted.  You may have received some really amazing things…maybe you got a beautiful necklace, or some clothes, or a gift card.  Maybe your brother or sister worked really hard to make you a homemade gift to make you feel special but all you can think about is that one special gift that you didn't get. 

Do you think that we ever get that way with God?  Do you think that we ever ask for what we want and then get disappointed when we don't get it?  Do you think that we ever overlook the incredible gifts that God has given us, simply because we didn't get the one thing we really wanted?  What if the gift we actually receive is something that it wouldn't have occurred to us to ask for?  What if it is SO much better than what we originally asked for....and we miss out on the excitement and thankfulness for such a wonderful gift because we can't see past the fact that we didn't get what we wanted.

May we be those who stop focusing on the things we think we want and start focusing on the amazing gifts that we are already receiving on a daily basis. 

Even if You Never Know It

I was looking at my office the other day, looking at all of things in it that I keep around just to serve as a reminder about something.  I have a coffee mug with Smiley faces on it that says, "Smile God Loves You!" that was given to me by someone I barely knew who just wanted me to know that I mattered.  I have a picture of Baby Samuel, which serves as a reminder that life is too short to take things for granted.  That God performs miracles all of the time but sometimes they don't look like we think they should.  I have a picture of my friends Grace and Brian, so that I can remember to pray for them as they continue to walk this thing out. 

The thing that has really been speaking to me lately though is this angel.  I got it as a going away gift when I left my previous company.  The person who gave it to me came by my office to let me know that she didn't do goodbyes but she wanted to thank me for everything.  I just looked at her crazy and said...."no...thank YOU for everything."  You see this person and I weren't super close.  We kinda sorta knew each other but she wasn't one of the people that I made a point to check in with. There were some whose office became a haven for me when things were rough..or maybe when I thought they needed a pep talk.  There were times though, when this person would stick her head in, especially when I was having a rough minute (and I had a LOT of rough minutes there towards the end).  She would listen with so much compassion and understanding and would say what I needed to hear.  God used her in my life to help me see how unsustainable things were in my life and that some changes needed to be made.  Some of those ended up being BIG changes, like quitting my job and moving 1200 miles away but most of them were small changes where God spoke ever so quietly to my spirit, asking me to trust Him.

So I am super grateful for the person who gave me this angel, but it is not why it sits on my desk.  It sits on my desk because it serves as a reminder that we are impacting and influencing lives all of the time.  It is a reminder that what we do in the lives of others really does make a difference.  If you would have asked me to name one thing that I did that would have caused the person who gave me this to be thankful, I would be at a loss.  I must have done something though.  Maybe God used me at just the right time to speak something to her.  Perhaps she had an I.T. need that I took care of without making her feel guilty for asking.  Maybe it was just that I gave her a smile when I walked by her.  I know that I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, yet she was thankful enough to give me this precious gift.  

"Never underestimate your ability to make someone else's life better - Even if you never know it"- Greg Louganis

Singing about Him vs. Singing to Him

Leanna and I have found a church that we both really like not too far from our house.  We both came across it separately and both felt like we should give it a try.  It is definitely NOT Desperation Church but there have been a few "God Winks" that let us know we might be in the right place.  The first day we were there, the Pastor said something along the lines of  "I know this is going to be weird but I'm going to make you do it anyway" and it felt a little like home.

This place really believes in worship.  It is NOT Bil Brown worship but it definitely helps you to enter in to that place.  You know the one.  That place you get to where you are worshiping your face off and you have no doubt that the very presence of God has entered in.  One thing that I've noticed though, that I always took for granted, was how careful Bil was to ensure that we were singing songs to the Lord and not just songs about the Lord. We tried another church before this one and the worship wasn't the same.  We sang about God and not TO Him.

 There is something about singing "I crumble at your kiss and grace, I'm a weakling in the dust, teach me how to cling to you, with all my life and all my love" .  I know all people experience worship differently but that is definitely something that spoke to me at, what might be, our new church.  We sang to our Lord..and it was good.

I have even noticed that when I am driving in my car, the songs that capture me are the ones I am singing to Him.  Don't get me wrong, I'll sing my lungs out about Him too...but singing to Him will bring me to tears.

Thank you Bil for helping me to see how all things in my life can be worship...but also for helping  to find the types of songs that help me to enter in to that secret place with Him.

Right now, "Keep Making Me" by Sidewalk Prophets is blowing my face off.  Is there a song that is speaking to you right now?  I would love to hear it, please post in the comments.

Sower or Reaper, I Get to Rejoice Either Way

The church that we have been trying out had a message about the walk of Jesus a few weeks ago.  The Pastor encouraged us to pick one of the Gospels and read through it, focusing on how Jesus walked.  I was reading in John this morning and came across verses 4:34-38. I have read these verses many times but today they hit me in a new and fresh way (Funny how God makes that happen).

John 4:34-39
"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.  Don't you have a saying, 'It's still four months until harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields!  They are ripe for harvest.  Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together.  Thus the saying 'One sows and another reaps' is true.  I sent you to reap what you have not worked for.  Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor."

These verses encouraged me to day.  We can often go about life trying to share the love of Jesus with those around us, trying to uplift and encourage people and point them back to the truth.  We don't always know that we are making a difference.  I mean, we hope we are, and sometimes God blesses us with someone who tell us that we make a difference, but we share about Jesus because we want to be those who "do the will of him who sent me."  We want others to know that Jesus saves and that a relationship with Him will fill an empty place in their heart in a way that nothing else can.  No drug, alcohol, earthly relationship, or good deed can fill that void.  Only the love of Jesus can fill it.

Sometimes we get to be the one who shares Jesus with someone who has never hard about him before.  Sometime we get to share about the real Jesus with someone who has only been shown religion.  Sometimes we get to be the one who speak into the life of someone who already believes but needs to be reminded that their hope, peace, joy, love comfort, and goodness comes from the Lord.  Sometimes, we simply play a supporting role while our friends chase after Jesus right along side of us.

We all have a role to play...whether we are the one sowing the seeds of faith..or whether we are the ones who get to witness that moment when someone is saved...we ALL get to rejoice!!! So listen to the call when the Lord places it on your heart to say something to someone.  Don't think that they'll think you are crazy...chances are that they already think you are crazy :) ...so say it anyway.  You may never know, this side of heaven, what role God has you playing in the lives of others.  It reminds me of the song, "Fifteen" by Greg Long.  Wherever I stand in line, I've got to make a difference.

Click here to listen to Fifteen
I was sitting at the table
As the waitress took our order
In her eyes, I knew that something wasn't right
And before I saw it coming
I was caught up in her story
Of the storms that she had weathered in her life
My friend said, can we pray for you
She said, I think I'd like you to
She walked away, we bowed our heads
But then he turned to me and said

Chorus:
If it takes fifteen times
To hear about Jesus
For someone to believe
Wherever I stand in line
I've got to make a difference
In case it comes down to me
'Cause, I may be third, may be the seventh
There may be years in between
But what if I'm fifteen
What if I'm fifteen

Just a chapter in a story
With the ending still unwritten
Do they find the truth of Jesus after all
As I listen for the whispers
And I follow where they lead me
I pray that I'll be faithful to the call
If I'm who I'm supposed to be
I know that God can work through me
I may not understand it now
But I believe somehow

Chorus

God I don't want to miss the chances
When you open the door
What may seem so insignificant
You see so much more

Chorus



Go make a difference in the life of someone else today!!!!!!