Haven't had a lot to say in the past six weeks or so. I've had a lot on my mind though. As I was mowing the yard yesterday....yes..I said MOWING in March!!! As I was mowing the yard yesterday, I was thinking back to something that a dear friend said to me about six months ago. We had been talking about how hard the transition had been for me to move to Florida and I how nothing had turned out like I had expected it would. We talked about how lonely I was and how much I'd been missing "home". I told her that I was really wrestling with God, trying to figure out His purpose behind everything. Do you know what my friend and mentor said to me?? She said, that she envied the position that I was in. What?!?!?!? She explained that God had forced me into a position where I had no choice but to wrestle it out with Him. I didn't have a friend nearby where I could go and cry on their shoulder about how unfair it all was. I didn't have church commitments to keep me busy so that I could avoid dealing with the emotion of it all. I had no choice but to work it out with Him.
I don't think I truly appreciated the blessing of the solitude. As a matter of fact, at the time, I was pretty irritated that she didn't just agree with me that it was all unfair. So yesterday, I was reflecting on how absolutely right she was. She generally is :) I can look back on the past six months with a grateful heart. I HAVE been able to wrestle it out with God. He has given me a focus on Him unlike anything I've experienced before.
I am running a race..His race. He is asking me to keep my eyes fixed solely on Him. I'm used to looking for the finish line. The target that I need to hit. I keep running towards the finish line of a particular thing that I've felt God has asked me to do, and just when I think I am almost there, He moves the finish line. He is teaching me to trust Him. To stop focusing on what I think He wants...to stop trying to achieve success based on my own warped version of what that means. He is teaching me to chase the desires of His heart. I need to stay in my lane and keep moving forward looking only to Him for guidance. No need to look to my left or my right as then I might feel like I need to compete with others running the race. Their race is not my race.
Is there something in your life that is keeping you from fixing your eyes solely on Him? Do you feel like the finish line keeps getting moved on you? I encourage you to get some quiet time and wrestle it out with Him.
"Therefore, since we have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith...." Heb. 12:1-2 HCSB
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