I Didn't Understand What My Job Was

One year ago today, I was sitting in my office busily working on a project that would streamline the complaint process for my company.  I had been told at the beginning of the week that the project was to be my top priority.  That should have been a red flag for me since my boss never told me what my priorities were.  My boss stuck her head in my office on that Friday afternoon and asked me if I had a minute to talk to her.  I jumped up and followed her into her office.  I sat down across from her and she starting arguing with me about a statement that I had made in a team meeting earlier in the week.  She wanted me to justify why I had said the things I did.  It was quite the heated discussion but she finally understood why I had said what I said.  Then the room became very quiet.  She hadn't dismissed me to leave but she wasn't really saying anything, so to ease the quiet, I asked her how the budget was coming along.  She said, "Not good, as a matter of fact, they want me to let you go, right now."  Yep, that was how I was told that I was losing my job.  I asked how the budget was coming along.

My very first thought was that I couldn't believe she was letting me go just three weeks before I was scheduled to have spine surgery.  My second thought was trying to figure out why she felt it necessary to argue with me for 45 minutes before I asked her about the budget.  I zoned out most of what she was saying as she tried to justify her decision.  It wasn't a surprise to me as the company was headed down hill, but it was a surprise that it happened when it did.

While the layoff didn't surprise me, there was one thing that did.  My reaction to it.   I wasn't prepared for how much of my identity was wrapped up in my job.  I had been in some type of management role for the past 16 years.  I had spent years building relationships while God had launched me up the corporate ladder.  It didn't really matter what I was managing, just that I was seen as a leader.  When I started looking for jobs again, I was searching for a leadership role.  I can't tell you how many resumes that I submitted.  Not one person called me back.  I felt lost.  Don't they know who I am?  Don't they know what an excellent leader that I can be?  If only they would give me an interview, they would understand what a perfect fit I would be for their position.

I never fully realized before that season in my life, how much society identifies people by their jobs.  Isn't it one of the first things that we ask when we meet a stranger?  What do you do for a living?  Where do you work?  What kind of job do you do?  I am not sure why these are the questions we start out with, but they are.  When you don't have a job and are actively looking, that is a hard question to answer.  God used that season to change my heart.

When God started leading me down a career path that looked completely different for me, it was terrifying.  I kept asking Him, "Don't you know that I have more experience than this job requires?"  "Why did you have me get a degree to take an entry level job?" "God, how am I supposed to bless people when you are taking away all of my income?"  God was so patient with me as I walked through discovering the answers to those questions.

What He showed me is that my identity needs to be grounded in Him.  I am first and foremost, His daughter.  He only wants what is best for me.  If that means working for a company of great people, who love God, and make a difference in the world, then okay.  My job is to love His people.  My job is to seek Him first in all things. My job is to make every single day count.  

Jesus said in John 6:38 "For I have come down from heaven, not to do my will, but to do the will of him who sent me."  If I am going to struggle with my job being my identity, may I always remember that my full-time forever job is to do the will of the One who created me.