I Was In Need Of A Good God Shaking

In case anyone was wondering, I do have a very real awareness that a lot of my blog posts lately have talked about hard times and struggles.  All of us experience a God shaking at one time or another in our lives.  I tend to write from my circumstances, and it just so happens that right now I am in a shaking season.  What do I mean by shaking season?  I can only speak for what it means to me as I think God can shake up people's lives for different reasons and in different ways.

I have not hidden the fact that our move to Florida did not turn out at all like we had expected.  I was looking forward to the perfect job, with a great boss who would mentor me and help me grow.  I was looking forward to going to the beach every weekend.  I was looking forward to the amazing Florida winters.....and I haven't been disappointed with this one.   I thought we were going to have a ton of visitors down here in our tropical paradise.  I thought we would find a church that would feed our spirit the way that DC did back home.  I thought I would make friends easily and be quickly surrounded by a new community here.  I had so many ideas on how I thought it was going to go and I couldn't have been more wrong.

As a result of my growing disappointment being fueled by unmet expectations, you could say I kinda checked out of life.  I quit trying to find a church. I quit making effort to go to the beach.  I quit reaching out to people.  I quit hoping that people would come down to visit.  I quit trying to find community.  I just quit living.  It wasn't a conscious decision, I simply got  tired of trying...and I quit.  I just started surviving.  I wasn't enjoying life or the people in it.  I got up every morning and went through the motions of the day and went to bed every night...only to repeat the "existing" the next day ...and the next.

Then I went home for our church's annual retreat and God shook my foundation which knocked down every wall that I had up.  Every wall that was protecting me from the outside world and the hurt and disappointment that came with it.    He began to show me that those walls weren't protecting me from anything, they were just keeping me from living, and more importantly, they were keeping me from Him.

So now....God is shaking me up.  It is almost like I can feel him grabbing my shoulders with His mighty hands and shaking me back and forth saying, "Wake up....don't you see....can't you see that I've been using this time to mold you and shape you into who I need you to be to carry out what I've called you to do??  Wake up!!  The world needs you fully alive.  I can't use you when you aren't fully living.  Wake up!!"

I don't know if anyone has ever grabbed a hold of you and shaken you like that.  It isn't pleasant.  It isn't pleasant to be forced to look around you and realize that you have been merely existing in a life that others would love to have.  It isn't fun to have God put a mirror in front of you to show you the areas of your life that aren't bringing Him glory.  It isn't fun, but it is so necessary.  God isn't shaking me to punish me.  God isn't condemning me and making me feel bad about myself, He is convicting me and helping me to grow into a better person.

So, my blog posts might be dark for a while as God works on digging out those things in me that are holding me captive and keeping me from living the abundant life that He has for me.  He loves me and He wants me to feel that love, every minute of every day.  Writing my blog helps me process those things that He is saying to me.   My hope is that my willingness to be open and honest with my struggles will help someone else know that it's okay to feel the way that they are feeling.  I think I have an incredible journey ahead of me and I hope that you'll continue to journey with me...even in the dark.