I know it's been a while since I've posted anything here but I didn't feel like I had much to say. Since my last post- I've applied for a new job, got denied for a new job, and had my gallbladder out so I've been a little busy.
I've had a rough sort of day and I wanted to take a minute to share my thoughts with you.
I know that I serve an AWESOME God. I know that I am richly blessed beyond measure and in the grand scheme of things I have nothing to complain about. Nevertheless, I am frustrated. I have been trying and trying to get ahead and every time I seem to make progress- the devil throws a GINORMOUS road block in my path.
1 Peter 5:8 says- Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
I have been feeling for a few months that the devil is roaring at me no matter which way I turn. I feel like we are making progress on the bills and then a family emergency depletes the savings. I feel like God is telling me to apply for a job only to have the door slammed in my face. I try to save money by turning the air conditioner off on cooler days only to have it not work when I turn it back on. I try to take steps to get healthier and my gallbladder decides it doesn't want to work anymore. I've been feeling like every direction I turn, the devil is right there ROARING at me to turn around and run the other direction.
Tonight- After sitting in a 100 degree house for a little while I decided to take a drive and just talk to my Father in Heaven. I cried and told Him how frustrated I am. I told Him that I know I am blessed beyond measure and I have no right to complain because there are others who are dealing with far greater things than I am. I just asked for Him to quiet my heart and mind so that I can better follow His leadings. He then brought back to my memory something that the world's greatest pastor once told us.
The bible does say that the devil is a roaring lion. In the animal world- lions often hunt in groups. They seek out their prey and then the oldest weakest lion with the most distinguished old lion roar goes around to the other side and hides in the grass. When the prey gets close to the oldest lion- he jumps up and roars as loud as he can. This causes the prey to run in the opposite direction right into the waiting group. The roaring lions sole purpose is to scare the prey into running towards the waiting evil. The devil is exactly like this. He wants to scare us. He wants us to turn from God. He wants us to feel defeated. He wants to chase us in the opposite direction from which we are headed.
NO MORE- I am going to start facing that roaring lion head on. My God is bigger then anything the devil can throw in my way. I encourage you to fight the devil head on today. Just keep listening for that voice behind you saying "This is the way, walk in it."
Monday, June 1, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Anger Management Epiphany
I had an epiphany just a few minutes ago that I wanted to share. I just realized why God put me in this IT position with my company. I have been doing some form of customer service for my entire life and all of a sudden- He randomly guided me in the direction of IT.
Someone came over to me (Monica- you know who you are) with an issue with our system today. Someone else in the department had been told about the issue a few days ago but he didn't know the full story so he didn't look into it any further. I started working on the issue and got more and more frustrated by the minute because I was told that it was broken but couldn't get a clear understanding of what they were saying the issue was. I sent an e-mail to the UK because they had put a change in the system that was causing adverse effects. I don't know how many of you have worked in the corporate world and dealt with IT much but IT personnel aren't always the clearest with communication. They tend to speak Geek. So here I was super duper frustrated that something on my watch wasn't working correctly and I was powerless to fix it and the rage just starting building in side of me. I can always feel it when it is coming on. I can feel that point in which I am about to lose my composure. I am getting better at recognizing it and keeping the pot from boiling over but sometimes it's really difficult. I felt it and suddenly God made it very clear to me that this in and of itself was the #1 reason that He guided me to my new position. In IT there are a lot of things that you are powerless to control.
I am a control freak. I believe that a lot of that comes from my inability to control the circumstances of my childhood. When I was old enough to control my own life- I grabbed the bull by the horns. I needed a job that would test my control limits often so that I will learn to trust God with ALL things. I have the same issues in my personal life. When the boys start acting like goofballs and I've done all of the things that I know to do and nothing is working..I feel the rage start to boil up inside of me. I usually do a great job of keeping that anger in check but I grew up with a family of yellers. I HATE being a yeller. I pray often for God to continue to work on me in that area. I am waaaay better than I was 10 years ago but I still have a lot of room for growth.
So I am in this position to learn how to control my frustration and my anger when I can't control the circumstances around me. I am learning how to give the controls to God in ALL things. I am thankful that God will refine us in the fire when He knows it's best for us.
Have a blessed weekend.
Someone came over to me (Monica- you know who you are) with an issue with our system today. Someone else in the department had been told about the issue a few days ago but he didn't know the full story so he didn't look into it any further. I started working on the issue and got more and more frustrated by the minute because I was told that it was broken but couldn't get a clear understanding of what they were saying the issue was. I sent an e-mail to the UK because they had put a change in the system that was causing adverse effects. I don't know how many of you have worked in the corporate world and dealt with IT much but IT personnel aren't always the clearest with communication. They tend to speak Geek. So here I was super duper frustrated that something on my watch wasn't working correctly and I was powerless to fix it and the rage just starting building in side of me. I can always feel it when it is coming on. I can feel that point in which I am about to lose my composure. I am getting better at recognizing it and keeping the pot from boiling over but sometimes it's really difficult. I felt it and suddenly God made it very clear to me that this in and of itself was the #1 reason that He guided me to my new position. In IT there are a lot of things that you are powerless to control.
I am a control freak. I believe that a lot of that comes from my inability to control the circumstances of my childhood. When I was old enough to control my own life- I grabbed the bull by the horns. I needed a job that would test my control limits often so that I will learn to trust God with ALL things. I have the same issues in my personal life. When the boys start acting like goofballs and I've done all of the things that I know to do and nothing is working..I feel the rage start to boil up inside of me. I usually do a great job of keeping that anger in check but I grew up with a family of yellers. I HATE being a yeller. I pray often for God to continue to work on me in that area. I am waaaay better than I was 10 years ago but I still have a lot of room for growth.
So I am in this position to learn how to control my frustration and my anger when I can't control the circumstances around me. I am learning how to give the controls to God in ALL things. I am thankful that God will refine us in the fire when He knows it's best for us.
Have a blessed weekend.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Resurrection Sunday
I want everyone to know that I got on-line several times over the weekend to create this post but there seems to be something wrong with the keyboard on my laptop. It just jumps around and starts putting characters in random places. So I finally gave up until I could get to work and use my docking station.
I hope everyone had a very Blessed Easter. I was truly in awe of the overwhelming love I felt this weekend. Love for my family, my church and love for my saviour.
It was a rough week on the diet front. Actually it's been a rough few weeks but I have resolved to push forward. I am not sure what sparked it. I really think it happened when I got sick a few weeks back. When I am sick..I want a cheeseburger. So I had one. That was the BEST cheeseburger ever. Then I went to the retreat where there were more snacks than you could find at a 7-11. I tried...I promise ya'll that I tried but you can only resist chocolate dipped oreos and homemade kettle corn so long. Then I think the devil seized the opportunity.
For those of you who think the Devil is down in Hell- I have news for you. He is right here walking around the earth.
Job 1:7 The LORD said to Satan, "From where do you come?" Then Satan answered the LORD and said, "From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it."
1 Peter 5:8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
The devil is all around us. He is just waiting to seize the opportunity. He convinced me that I had already messed up on my diet. That I was already gaining weight again and I might as well just give up. I have to admit..I believe him. I sure got my feel of greasy goodness. Long John Silvers, Waffle House, Pizza Hut- you name it..I ate it. I knew that I was headed down the wrong path..and I knew that the only way to get back on the right path was to get enough truth into my head to push the devil out. Philippians 1:6 says "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus". God began a good work in me. He will stick with me..even when I eat junk at the retreat. Even if I feel like I need a cheeseburger when I'm sick. He's not going to give up on me and this verse is a constant reminder to not give up on myself.
I am so thankful that He died just for us. I am so much more thankful that He rose again just like He said He would. I hope that you know how much He LOVES You!!
I hope everyone had a very Blessed Easter. I was truly in awe of the overwhelming love I felt this weekend. Love for my family, my church and love for my saviour.
It was a rough week on the diet front. Actually it's been a rough few weeks but I have resolved to push forward. I am not sure what sparked it. I really think it happened when I got sick a few weeks back. When I am sick..I want a cheeseburger. So I had one. That was the BEST cheeseburger ever. Then I went to the retreat where there were more snacks than you could find at a 7-11. I tried...I promise ya'll that I tried but you can only resist chocolate dipped oreos and homemade kettle corn so long. Then I think the devil seized the opportunity.
For those of you who think the Devil is down in Hell- I have news for you. He is right here walking around the earth.
Job 1:7 The LORD said to Satan, "From where do you come?" Then Satan answered the LORD and said, "From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it."
1 Peter 5:8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
The devil is all around us. He is just waiting to seize the opportunity. He convinced me that I had already messed up on my diet. That I was already gaining weight again and I might as well just give up. I have to admit..I believe him. I sure got my feel of greasy goodness. Long John Silvers, Waffle House, Pizza Hut- you name it..I ate it. I knew that I was headed down the wrong path..and I knew that the only way to get back on the right path was to get enough truth into my head to push the devil out. Philippians 1:6 says "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus". God began a good work in me. He will stick with me..even when I eat junk at the retreat. Even if I feel like I need a cheeseburger when I'm sick. He's not going to give up on me and this verse is a constant reminder to not give up on myself.
I am so thankful that He died just for us. I am so much more thankful that He rose again just like He said He would. I hope that you know how much He LOVES You!!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
New Directions
I apologize that my posts have been sporadic. There has been a lot going on in my world and my focus has been elsewhere.
I believe that this blog is going to be taking a new direction. I will still be discussing my weight loss goals and will update with weight loss information periodically but I feel that God intended this blog to be used for so much more than just tracking weight loss results.
I believe that I hold on to my weight for more reasons than I can count. I think that I "hide" behind my weight. As if it is an outer shell that will hide me from all of the evil in the world. As if with 100 extra pounds of weight no one can see the "real" me. I also think that I don't count myself worthy enough to spend the effort that it would take to stay healthy. I have always found comfort in food. When I am stressed or worried- I want greasy food. There is nothing better than a cheeseburger and fries to make the world okay. I think that there are things in my past that have caused me to adopt these habits and beliefs. I also believe that my loving God wants to heal me from my past and replace my habits and beliefs with His truths.
I think that He wants me to use this blog to help other people learn through my struggle. I think that He wants me to use this blog to help others realize that they are NOT alone. They are not alone dealing with their weight issues, issues that stem from past abuse, issues that deal with "unworthy" feelings. They are not alone because there are millions around the world who feel just like them. They are not alone because God is right there with them, feeling their pain and holding them safely in His arms. We don't always feel it but He's there.
I pray that everyone is okay with this change of direction and that they will share their wisdom and insight along the way. May God Bless you all!!!!
I believe that this blog is going to be taking a new direction. I will still be discussing my weight loss goals and will update with weight loss information periodically but I feel that God intended this blog to be used for so much more than just tracking weight loss results.
I believe that I hold on to my weight for more reasons than I can count. I think that I "hide" behind my weight. As if it is an outer shell that will hide me from all of the evil in the world. As if with 100 extra pounds of weight no one can see the "real" me. I also think that I don't count myself worthy enough to spend the effort that it would take to stay healthy. I have always found comfort in food. When I am stressed or worried- I want greasy food. There is nothing better than a cheeseburger and fries to make the world okay. I think that there are things in my past that have caused me to adopt these habits and beliefs. I also believe that my loving God wants to heal me from my past and replace my habits and beliefs with His truths.
I think that He wants me to use this blog to help other people learn through my struggle. I think that He wants me to use this blog to help others realize that they are NOT alone. They are not alone dealing with their weight issues, issues that stem from past abuse, issues that deal with "unworthy" feelings. They are not alone because there are millions around the world who feel just like them. They are not alone because God is right there with them, feeling their pain and holding them safely in His arms. We don't always feel it but He's there.
I pray that everyone is okay with this change of direction and that they will share their wisdom and insight along the way. May God Bless you all!!!!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Just what the DR ordered
As you all now I have been whining and moaning about getting outside. Today- I decided to take a mental health day from work and get out and enjoy the day. I slept until about 1o am and then I got up and had a pastrami sandwich. This is what I have every morning for breakfast. Well, most mornings anyway. I need whole grain and protein in the morning.
After Breakfast- Leanna and I went to Burr Oaks. It is in Blue Springs. They have five trails. They have 3 unpaved trails- 2 of which are loops and one is a straight trail that links the 2 other loops together. They also have a 1/2 mile paved trail and a 1 mile paved trail. We really just set out to walk 1 or 2 trails. When we pulled in the parking lot we joked about how we should just do all 5 trails. We looked at the layout and planned our route and took off. It took us 2 hours and 55 minutes but we finished all 5 trails. The grand total of all of our walking was 7.2 miles. We were so proud of ourselves when we finished. I am sure we will be just as proud tomorrow morning when both of us can't walk because our legs won't work.
I am probably the only goofball in the world who would take a vacation day from work to hike 7.2 miles around Blue Springs and tell you that it was the best day I've had in a while. I so thoroughly enjoyed it. Leanna and I got to have some good conversations- on the occasions that she got way ahead of me on the trail (which happens a lot) God and I had good conversations. It was just such a peaceful day.
I think we should start planning group outings where we can all get together on a weekend and get out and get moving. I hope you all are having an awesome week and could get out in this beautiful weather.
After Breakfast- Leanna and I went to Burr Oaks. It is in Blue Springs. They have five trails. They have 3 unpaved trails- 2 of which are loops and one is a straight trail that links the 2 other loops together. They also have a 1/2 mile paved trail and a 1 mile paved trail. We really just set out to walk 1 or 2 trails. When we pulled in the parking lot we joked about how we should just do all 5 trails. We looked at the layout and planned our route and took off. It took us 2 hours and 55 minutes but we finished all 5 trails. The grand total of all of our walking was 7.2 miles. We were so proud of ourselves when we finished. I am sure we will be just as proud tomorrow morning when both of us can't walk because our legs won't work.
I am probably the only goofball in the world who would take a vacation day from work to hike 7.2 miles around Blue Springs and tell you that it was the best day I've had in a while. I so thoroughly enjoyed it. Leanna and I got to have some good conversations- on the occasions that she got way ahead of me on the trail (which happens a lot) God and I had good conversations. It was just such a peaceful day.
I think we should start planning group outings where we can all get together on a weekend and get out and get moving. I hope you all are having an awesome week and could get out in this beautiful weather.
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