Thankful for being broken

I entered adulthood as a broken person.  I had really been through some stuff and it had taken a toll on me in many ways.  It had effected me spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  I spent a good number of my early adult years drowning my feelings in a bottle.  I didn't really believe there was a God and if He did exist I was super duper mad at Him.   I was stuck in pity party mode.  Why????  Why did I have to go through everything?  Why didn't anyone care about me?  Why didn't I matter?

Many years later, after He captured every ounce of my heart, God and I had a talk about it.  I kept trying to get the "why" answers out of Him.  I would beg and plead for Him to just tell me why it was fair that I had been so broken.  I am here to tell you that God never give me the answers.  What He did instead was change my heart.  He changed my longing to know why into a desire to make sure that it wasn't wasted.  My begging for answers turned into a begging to be used by Him to make good come from my past.  He has been faithful to do just that.  He really does make beauty from ashes (if you let Him).  I pray that He continues to use me to bring His light into the lives of others.

As I was driving to work this morning, I became overwhelmed with this thought, "Lord, I am so thankful for having been broken!!"  Even having that thought was shocking to me.  I have never ever been thankful for certain aspects of my past.  I realized that had I not been broken, I likely wouldn't appreciate how amazing my God is.  I would probably take for granted the change that He has made in me.  People have asked me how I know that God is real and my answer has always been, "I know where I came from, I know who I was before Him, and I know what He brought me out of."  If I would've had the ideal life, would I have missed the blessing?

If I stop and ask myself, "Would you be willing to go through everything you went through, if it was necessary for you to have the relationship with God that you have now?"  The answer will always be YES!!