Letting yourself off the hook

I was reading something yesterday- actually I've been reading a lot of different somethings and I came across this thought. If you get pulled over by the police and get a ticket for speeding do you decide that you've already blown your perfect record for the day. Do you go on a crazy driving spree through the city, breaking every law along the way?

THEN WHY DO WE DO THAT WITH DIETS??? We can be going along minding our own business, eating healthy, getting more exercise and then BAM- chocolate cake (or cheeseburger, fried chicken..name your weakness). Then we do the stupidest thing ever...we decide that since we have already failed we might as well eat all of the other stuff we have been craving. Might as well eat like an idiot for the next few meals/days/weeks. We beat ourselves up for not keeping our "perfect record" when rationally that just doesn't make any sense. I am as guilty as they come but I have got to learn to let myself off the hook. I want to be healthy but I sure don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking about what I've eaten and what I am going to eat.

New Team

Well the contest started last night and I think it was a great first meeting.

I now have 5 other women on my team. It will be interesting to see how God uses each of us in this process. I have started writing down what I am eating again. Counting calories don't work for some but for me it helps me to see where my issues are.

We also had a discussion last night about portion control. I didn't realize I had portion control issues until I started cooking for other people and they kept telling me that I was giving them too much food. I was like, "really??" I am a big girl and I guess I think (thought) that it takes a lot of food to get me full. I am learning though that I can eat a "normal" portion and it will satisfy me for a few more hours. I am trying the Breakfast, Snack, Lunch, Snack, Dinner, Snack idea.

Anywho...Leanna talked about portion control plates that show you on your plate what portions you should be eating. I really like the ones at slimware.com- They are the ones pictured. This isn't necessarily the pattern I prefer but it gives a good visual of what they are about. The big flower should be your vegetables, the medium flower should be starches/carbs and the small flower should be protein. If you are eating a lean protein like fish or chicken then you can use the little yellow flower too.

I love love love the idea of these plates. I hate hate hate that they aren't microwaveable. I'm gonna have to pray about this one.

Here we go again

I'm Baaaaaccckkk. Does that scare you? It sure scares me. I could vow that I will post every day but that just sets me up for another failure. My goal is to post more than I have in the past.

I am gearing up for another Biggest Loser competition with our church group. I lost 25lbs last time (unfortunately I gained it all back). The clear and consistent message that I keep getting from God is to not give up on myself. I also need to write out my thoughts and share with others who are going through the same struggles. I have to stop looking at the "hows" to lose wait and start looking at the "whys" that keep me hiding behind my weight.

If we all know that eating right and exercising can lead to being healthy, why don't we do it? Is it really all about the numbers on the scale? Is that what I should be using to measure my success? Why is it that when people start noticing our weight loss that we immediately go back to eating the way we were? Is it fear? Is it fear that people will expect more out of us or worse yet, we might expect more out of ourselves if we get healthy? Is it that we don't feel worth the effort? Are we putting the needs and wants of those around us before the needs and wants of ourselves? I have so many questions and I pray that God and a good Godly group of women are going to help me find the answers.

We are trying a new approach on this go round. We are breaking up into teams so that there will be additional accountability. I have been blessed to be put into a position as a Team Captain. My prayer is that God will use me and my past (and current) weight struggles to inspire change in those on my team. I want it to be about SO MUCH MORE than losing weight.

Help us fight SMA

For those who know us, you know that Leanna's Brother and Sister-in-Law were blessed with the most precious baby on October 5, 2009. She was diagnosed with a fatal genetic disease called SMA. (Spinal Muscular Atrophy). She went to be with Jesus on October 27, 2009. She impacted so many lives during her 22 days here on the earth. Let us fight for a cure for SMA in her memory!!

SMA -- Spinal Muscular Atrophy -- KILLS more young children than ANY other inherited disease -- 50% die by their 1st birthday, 90% by their 2nd.

1 in 40 people UNKNOWINGLY carries the SMA gene -- few have any known family history.

SMA is degenerative and terminal. Although born healthy, babies eventually lose the ability to walk, sit, eat, breathe, and even swallow. The mind is NEVER impacted and children with SMA are bright and social.

There is currently NO treatment and NO cure, but there is HOPE!

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) coined SMA as the disease "CLOSEST to TREATMENT".

Researchers say a CURE is possible in a few years -- IF given adequate funding.

SMA is considered a "model" disease and many scientist believe it is a "gateway" to answers for countless other diseases, including: ALS/Lou Gehrig's, spinal cord injury, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, the muscular dystrophies, and even some forms of cancer.

Chase Bank started something awhile ago where users of Facebook could nominate and then vote for their favorite charities. In the first round 100 charities would be awarded $25,000. There were several SMA charities in the running and ALL were worthy of the $25,000 BUT the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation was one of the top 100 charities!!! They wrote a check for $25,000 to Dr. Kirstead (sp?) who is one of the most promising leaders in research for SMA. I want to thank all of you who voted for the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation in the first round of the Chase giveaway!

Please help us to add another million dollars for SMA research. Please go to vote by clicking here --->http://voteforsma.com/

God Bless

Your Hands

God has always spoken to me through music. It is amazing how I would be thinking or feeling something and I song would come on that would just confirm what God had already been telling me. I hope that from time to time you will allow me to share those songs with you. Maybe they will speak to your heart as well.

Today's song is "Your Hands" by JJ Heller. I had never heard of her but as soon as I heard this song I was hooked on her music.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

This song is such an awesome reminder that no matter what seems to be going on around us (and it seems to be a lot lately) God is ALWAYS holding us in the palm of His hand. Heaven stands...and God is on the throne!! One day God will set all things right and we must keep our hope in him.

You can watch JJ sing this song on Klove by clicking http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-F6DGGF4Qs

I hope you enjoy it. I am thankful that God can use anything..including music to touch our lives.

God Bless

Good People

I am happy to report that my temporary crowns have been put on with only minimal discomfort. Thank you for your prayers.

There is so much evil in this world and so many people who are only out for themselves. It is disheartening sometimes. Our God is sooo good though that He continues to show me how many good people are left in the world.

I have been following the story of a little 5 year old girl named Kate Mcrae who was diagnosed with a brain tumor in July . Her family has a caringbridge site at www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate. I don't even remember now how I got wrapped up in her story but it's heart wrenching and inspiring all at the same time. Kate was going to be stuck in the hospital over Christmas taking Chemo. She had made friends at the oncology unit. Her family mentioned that Kate would like it if people donated some toys to the hospital so that they children who were stuck in the hospital could have a nice Christmas. People from all over the world donated toys..they had so many toys that they filled an entire Penske truck with them and still had so many left over that they had to distribute them at other hospitals. It was awesome. It is just a reminder that people still care.

God has really blessed me with the people He has brought into my life. The kind of friends that you trust with everything including your dogs and your kids. The kind of friends who will go out into below zero wind chills to snow blow your cousins driveway..just because you asked them to. The kind of friends that when you are having a hard time with life will just circle up around you and go to God on your behalf. I am so thankful for all of them. They are GOOD PEOPLE!! The DO exist!!

I pray that you will be blessed by an act of kindness whether it's by a stranger or by a friend. I pray that you will pass that kindness on to others. Sometimes all someone needs is a smile. This world needs to be reminded that there are some Good People left.

Snowed In

I am sick of all this snow. Enough is enough. I am very thankful to Home Depot who is the only store in this city that has snow shovels for sale. I gave one of the children a lesson in snow removal. He was very thankful for the lesson. NOT!!

I am thankful for my boss who believes in safety first. He lets us work from home when the roads are bad. God is showing me to look for the positive in all things...so the positive is my boss. The snow really is beautiful- not the stuff on the road- it looks YUCKY but the backyard is really pretty.

We are gearing up for JBQ (Junior Bible Quiz) this weekend. It is so awesome to be able to watch kids get excited about learning the Bible. Some of these kids put me to shame with their knowledge of God's word.

Leanna's Dad is meeting with the heart surgeon on Monday so I would ask for prayers that the Dr. makes wise decisions on the possibility of another open heart surgery. I am having 2 crowns put on tomorrow and those that know me know that I don't have the best luck with dentists.

I am going to try to post here 5 days a week. It helps me to stay focused and accountable. Hopefully I'll start having pictures too!! Thank you all for walking this journey with me. God Bless.

It's all in the struggle

So I just wanted to share what has been on my heart today. I have been battling some heaviness in my spirit lately. I don't want to say it's depression, just more like spiritual warfare going on inside of me. I have been having a hard time feeling God in my life. I know He is there and I am going to keep chasing Him no matter what my "feelings" are.


Things have been hectic around our house for quite some time. We have been battling illnesses, surgeries and deaths. We have been struggling financially even though we are making better financial decisions. We have been trying to lose weight and the process has been slow and painful. I do mean PAINFUL!! Get yourself a personal trainer who is a big fan of lunges and you'll know what I'm talking about. I just felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.


I talked to my relate group from church about it the other day and asked for prayer. It sure is helping...if you are struggling with anything, I highly suggest you get yourselves some strong prayer warriors in your life. I woke up Monday morning renewed. I could feel some of the darkness coming up off of me. God has shown me so much in the past 2 days including the way that I got myself in this mess. See..I think I am in control of my life. I think that I can conquer the world. So when things aren't going my way...I think it is me that is failing. I have to pretend on the outside like all is right with the world so that others won't think I'm a failure. I tend to look at the negative things in my life..look at all of the things that aren't going according to MY plan. Geesh...I've been chasing Jesus since 1998...you would think I would know by now that there is no such thing as MY plan. God puts circumstances in our lives for a reason. That reason may be to teach us something or better yet..it may be so that you can help someone else who will be going through the same circumstance later in life. It isn't punishment for something we did wrong...it's an adventure..sometime's painful..but always worth the ride.


I was reading a book today called "My Faith Still Holds"...and there was a quote in there from Condoleeza Rice that said, "Struggle doesn't just strengthen us to survive hard times - it is also the key foundation for true optimism and accomplishment. Indeed, personal achievement without struggle somehow feels incomplete and hollow." WOW...did that just hit me when I read that. It was as if God was sitting next to me, taking all of the pieces of the jumbled puzzle that has been life in the past year...and He just snapped them all together to show me the big picture. If I was trying to get my finances straightened out and it was super easy and everything went my way...I wouldn't stay on a budget for long...I would just assume that if I got into financial trouble again..it would be super easy to get back on track. If I lost the 132 lbs that I am trying to lose and I did it all in a few months...I wouldn't keep it off because if I could take it off that quickly then who cares...BRING ON THE MEXICAN FOOD!! In ALL things...it's all in the struggle. Don't get me wrong...when an unexpected blessing drops in your lap...it is something to treasure..but it usually means the most when you have been trudging along first.





I can quit rambling now...I just want to encourage anyone who is reading this..that there is hope and joy in the struggle. This too shall pass...and when it does...I pray that God will show you all of the good that came from it.

Please leave comments...even if they are anonymous. It's good to know that I am not just typing to the wind. GOD BLESS!!

New Year's Goals

I am not sure if anyone will even read this since it's been so long since I've posted anything. I was just sitting here reflecting on the past year and all of the ups and downs that came along with it. I was thinking about resolutions and how I hate making them but I realized that I needed to set a few goals.

I am part of a group at church called WE Weight. We are just a group of ladies who are trying to get healthy. We talk about the things we did right in the past few weeks and the areas that we need some help. One of the coordinators talked a month or 2 ago about setting goals. I have been determined to set small goals that will help me to get to my large goal that seems overwhelming. As I look at 2010, I dont' want to set any resolutions but I sure need to set some goals.

#1. To increase the speed in my chase after God.
#2. To increase the speed of a 5K from 58 minutes to 40 minutes
#3. To complete a 1/2 marathon.
#4. To look at food as fuel more often than not
#5. To fly on an airplane without needing a seatbelt extension
#6. To spend more time thinking about things I am thankful for
#7. To spend less time being angry about things that I cannot control
#8. To give less control of my life to emotions and more control to God.
#9. To raise at least $500 for SMA
#10. To pay off all outstanding medical bills
#11. To decrease the balance on all credit cards by at least 50% (this includes paying off some to decrease the overall balance)
#12. Take a family vacation to Colorado which would include a hike up the "ascent" trail just to see if I can make it.
#13. Go to Cancun for a much needed beach break (only after 10 and 11 are complete)
#14. Love myself more
#15. Love God and Love Others

These are just the 15 that come to mind right now. I am posting them here so that ya'll can help hold me accountable. I also hope to post more here as it helps me to see what God is doing in my life.

I pray that every one who reads this will have a blessed 2010.